Worn

This has been my go-to song since I went to the Tenth Avenue North concert (see post, lyrics, and music video here).  As I was driving back from my parents, I played this song over and over so I could learn all of the notes and words.  The message, the honesty, the melody; I love it all.  While I'm driving and thoroughly enjoying this music, I think to myself, 'This is a song I would want to have when I struggle.'  See, on that Sunday morning, life was great.  I had just spent time with family, had a nice change of scenery, and was excited to get back to Newman for Mass and a Baptism.  I enjoyed the song, but perhaps from more of a distance; the way one might appreciate a work of art.

Fast forward to the present.  I'm working on a big project that takes all of my free time, and it hasn't been smooth sailing.  Work was both a 'Monday' and a 'Tuesday' combined - double-whammy of stuff to accomplish.  My to do lists are growing like weeds and multiplying like rabbits (don't ask me how).  My phone keeps receiving emails and texts from people who need things - information, my time, my knowledge.  Now none of this is catastrophic by any means.  But when you add it all together, it's a bit . . . well . . . wearing.

I found this interesting in two ways.  One - the reminder to enjoy right now, because things can and will change.  I certainly wasn't praying for the opportunity to use that song as my prayer.  I wasn't secretly hoping to be in the position of feeling worn.  I am, however, thankful that I had discovered this song which so eloquently expressed my thoughts.  Which leads me to number two - even though my current predicament is frustrating - it is 'small potatoes'.  There are so many worse things which I could be facing.  But that is exactly what is so amazing about this song, and even more awesome about our God.  Everything is relative, and perspective is a good thing, however, in that moment, I was tired.  But I could relate to this song on so many levels, from the superficial stresses, to the loss of my niece, to whatever challenge I am facing right now.  Big or small, it fits.  Same goes for God.  I can trust God with my struggles, with my fears, my pain, my loss, my petty grievances, my anger - all of it!  God wants me to give it all - big or small, insignificant or life-changing.  So whether my soul feels crushed because of sin, imbalance in my life, or too many things on my to-do list, God is right here, with arms open, waiting for me to release my burden.

Prayer - God, I am worn.  Today it is the small things I have let build up.  I have allowed distractions to take my focus off of You.  Help me re-balance myself in You by letting go of my burdens, big and small.  I can trust You with all parts of my life, even the frustrating and mundane.  Help me seek You at all times.

Tenth Avenue North

I recently had the privilege to attend a Tenth Avenue North Concert.  I've been a fan of their music for several years, after a good friend introduced me to it.  I've mentioned one of my favorite songs by them, Hold My Heart (read the post here) on this blog.  I love the music, the lyrics, the message, all of it!  But at the concert I got to hear some of their newest music, from the album Struggle.  I was especially drawn to the song "Worn".  Check it out:

Worn (Mike Donehey, Jeff Owen, Jason Ingram)
I'm tired, I'm worn My heart is heavy From the work it takes To keep on breathing I've made mistakes I've let my hope fail My soul feels crushed By the weight of this world And I know that You can give me rest So I cry out with all that I have left Let me see redemption win Let me know the struggle ends That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn	I wanna know a song can rise From the ashes of a broken life And all that's dead inside can be reborn ‘Cause I'm worn I know I need To lift my eyes up But I'm too weak Life just won't let up And I know that You can give me rest So I cry out with all that I have left	My prayers are wearing thin I'm worn Even before the day begins I'm worn I've lost my will to fight I'm worn So Heaven come and flood my eyes Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn Though, I'm worn I'm worn
© 2012 Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, West Main Music, Formerly Music, Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse, and Open Hands Music. All rights on behalf of Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, West Main Music, Formerly Music, Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse and Open Hands Music administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 8 Music Square West, Nashville TN 37203. Wow.  The lyrics speak to me, reminding me that even in my challenges, my human-ness, there is hope.  I love the imagery of new life, and the message is so honest.  "I'm worn."  How often do we try to present a different picture?  Show others only our good stuff because, gasp, we don't want them to figure out that we aren't perfect!  Who exactly are we fooling?  It's okay to be worn.  It's okay to be tired and empty.  These are all seasons of life.  But we need to remember that the sun (and the Son) will come again, and it will be a new day.  There is hope and redemption - not just if we feel like, but especially when we don't.   This next clip is a video journal of Mike Donehey sharing a bit of his story and how this song came to be.  He has been on an amazing journey, and this clip doesn't do it justice, but check it out.

Prayer - God, I'm struggling with myself.  I am tired and weary.  Grant me the grace to see that You are always present, offering hope and redemption.  I only need to say yes.

The day after

I recently witnessed the wedding of some good friends, and it was a lovely day (read about it here).  But I had some interesting thoughts the next morning as I re-lived the morning of July 4, 2012.  That was the day my niece was killed in a single-car accident.  It also happened to be the day after her brother's wedding.

I've played for, attended, and helped plan lots of weddings in the time since then, but I guess I didn't have one that tied so closely to my experience.  My friend who got married has been like a sister to me, and I just tried to imagine if the day after her beautiful wedding, she found out one of her sisters was dead.  When I first had that thought, I immediately wanted to banish it.  Who thinks such sad things after a day as wonderful as the one we experienced?  But life does not have any guarantees.  Our lives are but a breath, and we are not in control.  I have felt this first-hand with the death of my beautiful niece.

One of my favorite songs that speaks to me when I am hurting is Tenth Avenue North - Hold My Heart.  Give it a listen, or read the lyrics below.  There are going to be bad days and bad moments.  Times when you struggle and feel lost.  It may last for a while, or be gone before you have time to think.  These feelings are real, and I encourage you to turn it over to God.  For God, the Creator of everything, can hold your heart as no one in this world can.

Prayer - God, you know when I am at my breaking point and I can no longer be without You.  Help me to give You my heart, to let You support me and guide me.  With your strength, I can be whole.

Hold My Heart Mike Donehey / Jason Ingram / Phillip LaRue
How long must I pray Must I pray to You? How long must I wait Must I wait for You? How long till I see Your face See You shining through I'm on my knees Begging You to notice me I'm on my knees Father, will You turn to me One tear in the driving rain One voice in a sea of pain Could the maker of the stars	Hear the sound of my breaking heart One life, that's all I am Right now I can barely stand If You're everything You say You are Would You come close and hold my heart I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes So much can slip away before I say goodbye But if there's no other way I'm done asking why	So many questions without answers Your promises remain I can't see but I'll take my chances To hear you call my name To hear you call my name

Something new . . .

I don't know why it's taken me so long to post about music.  Music is a major part of my life, and it is how I most easily communicate with God.  Whether I am angry or frustrated or joyful or excited, there's a song that fits.  This one is a good reminder that it is not on our own merits that we are saved.  And thank goodness for that!

Romans 5:8 states, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  So, in God's eyes, we are free.  Free to make decisions, both good and bad, but also free from the chains and the bonds of sin!

I love how this song invites us to stop dwelling on the past mistakes.  Every day that we say 'Yes' to God, we get another chance to start anew.  Our God is a God of second chances.