Remember

December 15, 1990.

The day Donny died.

It was one of my first experiences with the sudden loss of someone close to me.  We were neighbors and friends.  We rode the same bus, and played together at each other's homes.  I was devastated by the sense of loss and the sheer emotion that poured out of me.  

That particular grief has lessened over the years.  Time softens the sadness, while still allowing the memories to remain.  I don't remember when I stopped asking why it happened.  I don't think any answer will suffice this side of Heaven.  Yet I can look back now and instead of wonder what might have been, I can appreciate what was.  My reminiscing isn't motivated by regret, rather, it is a strong reminder that even after so many years, my memories can be a gift.  

As I have more recently experienced the death of my niece, I know that it is a gift to have others share their memories of her.  This sharing can lessen the sting of the loss because it unites those left behind. These shared experiences are a gift given to those who grieve.  To me, it says that you recognize my loss, my suffering, and my sadness.  You give me the gift of remembering.  It doesn't really matter if you knew her or not, because when you honor her memory, you honor me.  

In my reflections, I was drawn to the passage in Matthew when Jesus welcomes into Heaven those who fed the hungry, welcomed the stranger, and visited the prisoner.  They ask,

"'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you a drink?  When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?'  And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.'"  ~Matthew 25:37-40 

These two experiences, many years apart, emphasize the opportunity we have to comfort those who mourn.  Our response shouldn't be fake or condescending, but neither should we be afraid and say nothing.  I heard a quote that has stuck with me about the importance of sharing our lives.  "We need a witness to our lives.  Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.  Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."  I believe that remembering those who have died is a gift to those left behind.  Sharing my memories of Donny help reinforce that God created Donny for a purpose, and even if we feel that his life was too short, his life mattered.

I encourage you to reach out and share a memory or thought with someone who is grieving.  They will never forget their loved one, and your shared memory can reinforce the beauty of life.  "'Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.'" ~Matthew 5:4.