Love in Action

There are moments in time, when we get a glimpse of love in action.  God grants us the gift of seeing through His eyes and we connect to another in ways we can't explain.  In today's world, with the pressures and expectations of perfection, busy-ness, and keeping up with unrealistic images, we can miss the simple beauty that exists in the soul of another.  The times when we do pause long enough to notice these gifts are grace-filled.

I think, too often, we discount our own good-ness.  Not in a prideful way, but as a genuine human, reaching out to another human, supporting each other.  So many times we fall into the trap of 'not-enough,' as in I'm not good enough, smart enough, organized enough, involved enough, generous enough, etc. that we miss the opportunity to feed another's soul.  Just the other day, someone commented to me that they 'knew' me:  that I was spiritual, a musician, prayerful.  While I appreciate the persona I apparently exude, this is't the whole story.  Even if I appear to be those things, most of the time I don't feel I am those things, or at least, not as well as I could be.  You see, even if I strive to be those things (and I do) and I desire to live that way (and I try), I will probably never say that about myself.  I'm not saying that I'm modest or humble, rather, it's hard to claim my royalty as a daughter of the King when I never measure up in my own head.  

Perfect timing

I was looking back at some of my posts while trying to find a fitting title for this one.  I've noticed that my recent focus appears to be on time, i.e. God's timing, patience, seasons, etc.  This one is in much the same vein.  There is so much to say, I'm not sure my thoughts can be expressed completely.  Life is complicated.  In one breath we experience joy, and the next, sadness.  Time is the great equalizer, granting perspective or hindsight.  There are so many pieces that we don't understand while they are happening, but occasionally, we can look back and glimpse God's work in our lives.

I was recently back to my old 'stomping grounds' as I was playing for a wedding.  Interestingly enough, the cantor was my former neighbor.  We practiced a few times, and chatted back and forth via text.  We talked more in the last two weeks then we probably did in the five years I lived across the street.  She made a comment to me that she wished we had connected sooner.  I agreed.  Sometimes it takes big changes to see something that's right across the street.  Yet, I believe that God's timing is perfect, even if it is occasionally confusing.  

Thankful Thursday - One day more

Today is my niece's birthday, and she's celebrating it in Heaven. She would be 23 years old. I think one of the best gifts she ever gave me was her example of fully living in the moment. I think of her and am reminded how I want to live my days to the fullest.

I sometimes wonder, when I think about her and my other beloved dead, especially those who died suddenly, if they would have lived differently, had they known when their lives were ending.  None of us have a crystal ball, nor should we, in my opinion.   Yet, it is incumbent upon us to live our lives in such a way that we have no fear of death.  

Jesus lived that way.  He knew what was to come, still went forward. Into the pain and suffering willingly. If we knew what tomorrow held, would we still embrace it, bumps and all? Or are we too busy thinking about what could happen, so we forget to live in the present? Or conversely we focus on what didn't go the way we wanted, and we are mired in the past, failing to live fully? Ultimately, we have one true call, to live now, loving and serving God and our neighbor.

 How will you live that call?

Remember

December 15, 1990.

The day Donny died.

It was one of my first experiences with the sudden loss of someone close to me.  We were neighbors and friends.  We rode the same bus, and played together at each other's homes.  I was devastated by the sense of loss and the sheer emotion that poured out of me.  

That particular grief has lessened over the years.  Time softens the sadness, while still allowing the memories to remain.  I don't remember when I stopped asking why it happened.  I don't think any answer will suffice this side of Heaven.  Yet I can look back now and instead of wonder what might have been, I can appreciate what was.  My reminiscing isn't motivated by regret, rather, it is a strong reminder that even after so many years, my memories can be a gift.  

As I have more recently experienced the death of my niece, I know that it is a gift to have others share their memories of her.  This sharing can lessen the sting of the loss because it unites those left behind. These shared experiences are a gift given to those who grieve.  To me, it says that you recognize my loss, my suffering, and my sadness.  You give me the gift of remembering.  It doesn't really matter if you knew her or not, because when you honor her memory, you honor me.  

Thankful Thursday 5/28/15 - Giving Thanks

Okay, I'm a few days off, but it was a short week and I got my days messed up.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it :-)  I wanted to post a quick update on my great-nephew.  He is doing very well.  Scans are showing positive results, and each day seems to bring more good news.  Thank you for your love and prayers.  I was discussing this in my prayer group earlier this week, and trying to identify my deepest feelings.  I know life is short, and generally shorter than we anticipate.  Carter's story could have gone much differently.  I wrestled with my feelings; would I still be praising God if it had been bad news, instead of good?  God is able to handle all of my messy emotion and irrational behavior, thank goodness.  But would I have trusted Him if 'my' prayers weren't answered?  Sometimes we don't know the answer to those questions until we are in that situation.  I'd like to think that at some point I would conclude that I trust God, in the good and in the bad.  In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on God, knowing that terrible things can be used for good.  It's like spiritual exercise - just as an athlete trains for their next event, I want to prepare my soul for the challenges coming.  Death, loss, destruction, evil.  They are part of our fallen world.  Yet we know:

"In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world."  ~John 16:33b

Prayer - Lord, Your love of us is beyond comprehension.  You feel our hurt, pain, and confusion as we struggle in this world.  Help us to cling to You, secure in the knowledge that whatever befalls us, You are present.  May we bless You always.

Precious Time

It's been a strange month for me.  I haven't written much here, and I've tried to avoid thinking about why.  I have so many thoughts and inspirations, but I haven't given them or myself an outlet.  I think I was frustrated with God, and was using passive-agressive behavior to retaliate.  The childish attitude that 'I'm going to purposefully snub this gift, or something.'  Obviously, not much logic involved.  It became easier to ignore the desire to write than to do something about it.  Given enough time, I could have pretended it didn't matter if I never continued.  But that's not true.  Because by not writing, I'm not being honest with myself or to God.  Granted, God already knows all that there is to know, and loves me anyway.  But I still like to pretend that if I don't tell God, He doesn't know :-)

Jesus in a friend

I recently had two encounters with dear ones who were Christ personified for me.  Whether by intuition, divine intervention, or being in the wrong (or right) place at the right time, they were each Christ.  I don't have a poker face, so perhaps my pain was evident, or maybe the chaos of life right now was reflected in my eyes.  Either way, I was approached, and asked how I was.  Who knew such a trite question could be a vehicle of God's love?  I responded to the underlying love and concern, ready to share my burden, even if I didn't know how.  The verse from Proverbs comes to mind:  "A friend is a friend at all times, and a brother is born for the time of adversity."  ~Proverbs 17:17  In their faces I saw Christ's love.  In their eyes I felt the compassion of the Spirit.  In their hugs I knew the Father's grace.  

Thank you, Lord, for using Your people to express Your love to the world.  

Be My Valentine - You Are Mine

No, I'm not talking about a valentine's phrase, exactly, although it could certainly be God's valentine to us.  I'm referring to a song we often sing at church.  It was actually my penance after celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and it was absolutely perfect.  Let me explain.

First, a note about the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  It really gets a bad rap.  If you have not had a a wonderful, positive, freeing experience with that Sacrament, you need to go again.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Let's set aside the discussion on confessing sins to a priest and focus on the deeper purpose:  reconciliation with God.

Prayer - part 1

A recent conversation with a friend centered around a request for prayers.  It is sometimes disconcerting to be asked to pray.  I find that I generally have one of three responses:  1 - Overwhelemd/honored.  It is a little intimidating to have someone request your prayers for a situation.  2 - Disbelief.  If they really knew me, they wouldn't ask me to pray.  What could I possibly accomplish?  3 - Initial enthusiasm/agreement, and then forgetting their request.  I would compare this to the way we may respond to to the generic inquiry of 'How are you?' and our subsequent 'Fine.'  Our polite niceties usually fail to actually connect to the other person, which can be the case when we are approached to pray for something.  We agree, because that is the expected response, but do we go any deeper?  Do we actually follow through?

As I have journeyed in my faith life, I still experience all three of these thought processes.  As I'm preparing for my trip to the Holy Land, I have experienced the feeling of a great gift when someone asks me to pray for them or their intention.  This doesn't come from a sense of superiority, but rather a realization that because of our unity and communion through Jesus Christ, we are all connected.  As it states in Romans 12:4-5, "For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another."  The prayers of all members become my prayer, and vice versa.

Intentional Living

A recent post (read it) mentioned intentional living.  The term came from some Matthew Kelly materials I'd been reading/listening to (Check out some of my recommendations here).  Many of the talks I'd heard referred to 'intentionality' or moving forward with purpose.  I think most of his books refer to this idea in some form.  It's a focus that I've been trying to incorporate in my life, but not always successfully.

In a very broad sense, intentional living means I am discerning God's Will and doing my best to move forward.  In a more practical sense, I am prudent in my choices, and moving forward with a plan, rather than waiting for life to happen to me.  What surprises me is how much this sounds like entrepreneurship or corporate America.  Isn't the 'American Dream' going after what you want?  Maybe so, but the very BIG difference is that intentional living is not about personal gain, but rather spiritual gain.  I suppose these paths are not mutually exclusive, but don't confuse the differences.

Don't worry . . .

Don't worry . . . Be happy?

It's not about the song. It's some advice I gave a friend who was having a rough day. It's the kind of advice that will come back to bite me in the butt. Not that long ago I wrote about the problem with giving advice to someone. In my experience, if I give someone advice, I will have the opportunity to take my own advice in the very near future.  So, in the conversation with my friend, I knew that God was preparing me for a situation in which that is the advice I will need to hear. I am NOT looking forward to this.

Dependence on God. 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? 27 Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?  Matthew 6:25-27

Turnabout is fair play

I wonder if God smiles when we give advice to someone and then days later those very words come back to haunt us.  A recent conversation with a friend via text/email highlighted this possibility for me.  We have been friends for ages, and many times we both have been compelled to remind the other of the advice we were given, especially when one of us is complaining about a situation, stressed out, or just being difficult.  Apparently I follow this pattern quiet diligently, as a recent conversation shows.  I was wrestling with a situation and she was trying to be the voice of reason with these words,

". . . please put all of this in God's hands . . . easier said than done I know and I also know that this will be used against me some day soon."

When the lights went out

Okay - this isn't a dramatic story of a big ice storm or dangerous tornado.  It's actually rather mundane, and that's why I think it's worth noting.  Let me explain.

It was a Monday (in more ways than just the day of the week).  It had been an extremely busy day at work, filled with lots of catching up and unexpected meetings that took time I needed to spend on other projects.  I worked late, and just had the urge to go home and veg out.  I even stopped to pick up some microwave popcorn, as I thought I 'deserved' a reward.

I came up to my driveway and hit my garage door button.  Nothing.  Okay, the button can be temperamental.  Tried it again.  Nope.  Sitting in front of the garage door - definitely in range.  Nada.  So I get out, open the car door and unlock my people door to the garage.  I've already started thinking about how this is an inconvenience, and tomorrow morning I'm going to have to put the door up from the inside, back out, go back in and put the door down, then go out through the people door.  Well, I push the button inside the garage.  Nothing.  Now I'm really puzzled.  I look up at the ceiling (you know, in case the garage door opener has a neon sign explaining why it won't cooperate), but don't see random pieces hanging at odd angles.

I get a bad feeling in my stomach, and I go to look at my freezer.  No light.  I look at the outlet where the freezer is plugged in.  My mind must be playing tricks on me - if the freezer is plugged in, the light should be on.  Then it sinks in - no power.

Great - just what I wanted after a crazy day.  A day where I worked at not being stressed out, even with so many things needing my attention.  I was good!  I didn't get frustrated with co-workers, I tried to be gracious with interruptions, and this is the thanks I get?  Not my finest response, but it was very human.

As I went to check out the breaker box (while still turning on light switches out of habit), I thought about all the things "I" planned to get done.  None of them could be accomplished without electricity.  This day was throwing more wrenches into my plans than I thought possible.  Couldn't I get a break?  I checked everything I knew to check, called in my outage, and then I called my sister.  I wanted some advice and a ear for my whining.  First things first - did I pay my electric bill?  Ha ha.  Not the response I was looking for.  "Yes, I did," I responded.  Next step - check with the neighbors.  Yep - no power there either.  I felt a little better.  I wasn't in this alone.  My sister is being a good listener, up until I complain that I can't do anything without electricity.  As soon as I said it - I knew I left myself wide open for her next comment.  I knew, I just knew that she would tell me I could always pray.  She said, "Maybe God was trying to tell you something."  Okay - here it comes, I should pray, I shouldn't complain, keep things in perspective, etc.  But her next sentence wasn't what I expected.

"Maybe the electricity went out so you would call me and I could hear your voice on a Monday."  Wait, what?  Here I was all wrapped up in my 'problems', and my sister was just happy that I called her on a Monday (our typical day to talk is Wednesday).  That threw me off.  She was happy to hear from me.  We shared our mutual 'case of the Mondays' stories, and I felt so much better.  If the lights hadn't stopped working (along with every other electronic gadget in my home), I wouldn't have reached out to her and the chance for sharing each others burdens would have been missed.

I know, nothing earth-shattering about this story, and that's why it hits me even more.  Life isn't point A to point B alone.  It all the in-between stuff as well.  Sometimes it's big and sometimes it's small.  And sometimes it's dark, but that can be okay too :-)

Prayer - Lord, help me to shut off the distractions in my life.  Sometimes I need a reminder that connecting with another person is more important than my to-do list.  I have opportunities all around me, but I don't always take advantages of those times, especially when they are disguised as inconveniences or disruptions to my plans.  Help me rely on Your plan and Your timing.