Did I miss the apocalypse?

Once again, I'm drawn back to reflect on life, especially in our current setting.  This extreme change in our social behavior feels unreal, as if I woke up in totally different world than the one before.  I didn't realize just how many things I've taken for granted, both big and small.  And maybe even more telling are the things that are no longer available that I didn't value when they were.

It's tempting to panic.  It's tempting to deny.  It's tempting to complain and moan and despair.  But I choose something more.  Something better.  I choose hope.  Because, let's face it, who likes to talk to a pessimist?  So why would I want to live that way?

The lost is found

"Pray to St. Anthony," I assert.  "He knows where it is."

I regularly call on St. Anthony for help.  You might say I have him on speed prayer :-)  I used to think that it was rude to 'bother' St. Anthony for inconsequential things.  Just because I can't find my 3-hole punch, doesn't mean I need to inconvenience anyone, especially not a saint! 

Now, I view my frequent requests as part of my relationship to the saints.  The more I converse with them (please note, this is not to be confused with talking to myself!), the more I am in tune with them.  Just like a close friend, the more we talk, the stronger our relationship becomes.  We begin to emulate each other (which is why you need to pick good friends!).  Who would be a better friend and model than a saint?! 

I admit that in the beginning, my requests really felt superstitious.  Like knocking on wood to prevent something from happening (I mean, really?!).  But the more I converse with St. Anthony and the saints, the more I am open to grace, such as patience.  It's frustrating when you can't find something you need, but I trust in God's timing.  And just like talking to a friend about a complicated situation, you feel better for sharing the burden, even if nothing has changed.  Now, when I pray to St. Anthony, I trust that he knows what I need, even if it's not what I ask and especially when it's not in the time frame I want.

Try it sometime, and then try it again.  And again.  And again.  Do you see a pattern here? :-)  With time, it will feel less 'fake' and more peaceful.  There is such a freedom in knowing that St. Anthony knows where the item is.  I don't get all worked up (most of the time) because the item is known to St. Anthony, and just like I trust my friends to help me out when they can, I trust him.

Precious Time

It's been a strange month for me.  I haven't written much here, and I've tried to avoid thinking about why.  I have so many thoughts and inspirations, but I haven't given them or myself an outlet.  I think I was frustrated with God, and was using passive-agressive behavior to retaliate.  The childish attitude that 'I'm going to purposefully snub this gift, or something.'  Obviously, not much logic involved.  It became easier to ignore the desire to write than to do something about it.  Given enough time, I could have pretended it didn't matter if I never continued.  But that's not true.  Because by not writing, I'm not being honest with myself or to God.  Granted, God already knows all that there is to know, and loves me anyway.  But I still like to pretend that if I don't tell God, He doesn't know :-)

Psalm 31

I was one again doubting many things:  God,  myself, and my faith.  I had spent a portion of the day criticizing myself for bad choices, and more time worrying about things beyond my control!   As I briefly texted a friend, I was certainly living moment to moment because I was engulfed in chaos.  Unable to sort things out myself,  I wisely decided to consult God.  I was partaking in the wonderful opportunity of adoration in front of the exposed Blessed Sacrament after mass, and I was perusing some devotionals I brought along.  Flipping through one book,  the following words caught my eye:  "So what's worrying you today?  Are you trying to take care of it yourself?  Or are you praying Psalm 31?"