Waiting

Wait for the Lord, take courage; be stouthearted, wait for the Lord! ~Psalm 27:14

I love to wait . . . . [said no one, ever]!

Umm, no thank you.

While there are different levels of waiting i.e. waiting for results from a medical test, waiting for news of a baby's birth, waiting for a family celebration, it can be hard to have joy when the waiting feels prolonged or without fruit.  I'm not referring to waiting for a pizza delivery or for the book you've been dying to read, either!  This is the waiting that involves soul-searching and trust in God.

Christ Be Our Light

Advent is upon us, and we have less than one week before Christmas!  While I'm spiritually preparing for Christmas, my social obligations and gifts are a different story.  I don't feel prepared.  I don't have cards written; my decorations are missing - you might wonder why I've embraced the minimalist approach to Christmas decor and not my desk!  On one hand, I'm not interested in skipping over Advent just because it's socially acceptable to do.  This really awesome video does an excellent summary of Advent.

My favorite part?

Behavior Modification

A snapshot into my life right now would reveal that I am doing the following (among other things):

• Learning Spanish
• Attending Financial Peace University
• Reading Perfectly Yourself 
• Studying Resisting Happiness in a small group
• Singing with 20 ladies
• Working a second job
• Keeping a holy hour at church

These activities are different and varied, but they all have 2 things in common.  They take time, and they require a change in my behavior.  Behavior modification.  That sounds painful, doesn't it?  When I hear those words, I picture an iron gate clanging shut, as if I were locked up or imprisoned.  It can evoke images of difficulty or rigidity. But if I want to participate in and succeed at these activities, I must embrace (or at least work on) behavior modification.  For instance:

• I must do my homework, rather than watch TV.
• I need to create and follow a budget, rather than wonder where my money goes.
• I have to make time to read the books that will make me a better person and help me achieve my goal of Heaven.  This also means taking time to reflect and be silent.
• I have to commit to practicing and being present at rehearsals and performances.
• I will be consistent in responding to the duties of my job, instead of waiting until the last minute and hoping things get done.
• I desire to improve my prayer life and act counter-culturally, spending time in prayer and listening to God.  

All of these actions take time and require me to do more (sometimes much more) than the minimum.  I admit, it's a lot easier to come home, plop in front of the TV (or Amazon Prime, in my case), and browse the internet or waste time on electronic devices while mindlessly snacking.  An occasional 'veg-out' time is acceptable, but a regular routine such as this leads to dissatisfaction, apathy and stagnation.   

Love in Action

There are moments in time, when we get a glimpse of love in action.  God grants us the gift of seeing through His eyes and we connect to another in ways we can't explain.  In today's world, with the pressures and expectations of perfection, busy-ness, and keeping up with unrealistic images, we can miss the simple beauty that exists in the soul of another.  The times when we do pause long enough to notice these gifts are grace-filled.

I think, too often, we discount our own good-ness.  Not in a prideful way, but as a genuine human, reaching out to another human, supporting each other.  So many times we fall into the trap of 'not-enough,' as in I'm not good enough, smart enough, organized enough, involved enough, generous enough, etc. that we miss the opportunity to feed another's soul.  Just the other day, someone commented to me that they 'knew' me:  that I was spiritual, a musician, prayerful.  While I appreciate the persona I apparently exude, this is't the whole story.  Even if I appear to be those things, most of the time I don't feel I am those things, or at least, not as well as I could be.  You see, even if I strive to be those things (and I do) and I desire to live that way (and I try), I will probably never say that about myself.  I'm not saying that I'm modest or humble, rather, it's hard to claim my royalty as a daughter of the King when I never measure up in my own head.  

The craziness of life

It's been a long time since I've posted, and I think my circumstances are affecting my writing.  Some of it is procrastination, lack of discipline, and laziness on my part, but I've also not had a strong desire to write, mostly because I haven't thought I have much to share.  So, just like I've been living out of 'boxes' for the past months, my writing has been buried away, waiting to be unpacked and organized.  Don't get me wrong, I love where I am, and God is so very good to me, but I can really relate to a version of this well-known phrase by St. Augustine:  ". . . our soul is restless until it finds rest in You."  Or maybe my version would go like this, 'my soul is restless until I can put some order in my life.'

I guess, in some ways, I've used this time of transition as an excuse to become complacent.  I can see it in my haphazard Bible study time, my inconsistent prayer time, and my incorrect assumption that everything will be 'fixed' when I have my own place.  Yet, I know that I'm on a journey toward Heaven, and a 'permanent' address from the USPS isn't going to give me a perfect, organized prayer life or unlimited inspiration.  Granted, there will be some chaos that I will remove from my life, but I think the lesson has been much more important than inconvenient.  

I see this time of transition as an extended retreat.  The way that this change came about in my life was so smooth in the opportunity and the timing, I knew it was God's plan being manifested.  I think if I had gone directly into a routine here i.e. Instantly selling my house or finding one here, without traveling through times that required patience and trust, things might look a little different.  The transformation of my life on the outside (new job, new city, new focus) may not have reflected the reality of my life on the inside.  And so, I praise Him.




  

Thankful Thursday 3/3/16 - The Unexpected

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

So, my Thursday started like any other day.  Lots to do at work.  Go to Mass.  Stop to visit my parents.  Eat supper with them.  Fracture my foot on my way out the door.  The usual routine.  Wait . . . . What???  

Well, I took the 2nd last step as if I were on the bottom step, and down I went.  The irony is, we worry about my parents tripping and falling, and I"m the one who fell!  Oops.  The doctor says I'm in the boot for now and he wants to see me in 10 days.  

Well, that certainly wasn't part of MY plan.  I just attended a healing Mass the night BEFORE!  Rotten timing.  Just another reminder that I'm not in charge :-)!

I'll admit, I have a history of crazy foot injuries.  Well, only 2, but they are unique.  The time I stepped on a pork chop bone when I was a kid (this is when you gave food bones to your dogs on the farm and they left them all over) and it punctured my shoe and foot and I had to get a tetanus shot.  Or the time I sprained both of my ankles at once when I was first out of college, living by myself (I blame my platform shoes).  Stairs were especially challenging.  Talk about being immobile!  

Prayer - just do it . . .

Prayer is a funny thing.  You never know what might happen when you pray.  It can be dangerous; you might end up changed.  Well, actually you should be changed, if you're doing it right.  There are many books and resources on prayer that can define and dissect this occurrence much better than I.  So I will stick with reflecting on personal experience and go from there.

If I stop to think about prayer, I would call it a conversation between God and I.  Except, if I'm being honest, my prayer tends to go one of two ways:  1 - my list of demands/requests/complaints/sorrows (depending on the day or my mood) or 2 - gratitude for blessings.  The part that is not equally represented is my time to listen to God.  See, both of the previous conversation types are pretty one-sided.  It's not that God doesn't want to hear my troubles or my joys; God wants it all.  Yet, to truly have a conversation, there needs to be listening on my side as well.  I really recognized this last Advent, and worked on prioritizing prayer time.  Like exercising, healthy eating, or building any good habit, it's hard.  It takes commitment; sometimes more commitment than I want to give.  I'm slowly growing in my awareness of this deficiency, which is big.  Isn't the first step admitting you have a problem?  :)

How do you hear God?  Could you recognize God's voice?  What does it sound like?

A new adventure

Good morning! Welcome to a new day! What do you have planned for your adventure today?

Recently, I've been pondering the 'everyday' mentality. All too often, it seems as though I spend more time in anticipation of something rather than in participating in the 'right-now'.  Why can't today be an adventure of its own? Maybe it's not grand or spectacular, but it has just as much potential to be amazing and noteworthy.  Each day brings with it many opportunities.

Which opportunity will you seize today?

"From the rising of the sun to its setting let the name of the Lord be praised."  ~Psalm 113:3

This moment

What does God want me to get out of this moment?

A very wise person (who happens to be my sister) encouraged me to ponder this question after I called her wanting a magic wand to solve life's questions and problems.  I had arrived at an impasse, and there was really nothing I could do but wait.  Not my action of choice, especially at that moment.  I was frustrated, anxious, irritable, tired, and confused.  She managed to put things in perspective when she shared something she had read, which her spiritual director had shared with her.  (Thank goodness for spiritual directors!)  As I was contemplating my feelings, next actions, and life in general, she suggested that I stop and ask myself, 'What does God want me to get out of this moment?'

Maybe it was the opportunity to practice patience.  Or so I could be motivated to think about things differently.  Maybe it was so I would call my sister.  I don't know the answer, but I do know that there is a very valuable lesson for me.  The only way I will discover the answer is to be in conversation with God.  To look at this situation through God's lens gives me a whole new perspective.  Rather than feel helpless or frustrated, I can grow, if I am willing to let go.  I guess that's why people say, 'Have faith.'  We may not have all the details, the road map, or a Sherpa to guide us, but we have God.  Sometimes we have to let go of our small plans to receive better ones.

So, I will live in the moment, and do the best I can, while God prepares and molds me.  It's not easy, but it will be worth it.
  

Aaarrrggghhh

No - I'm not preparing for my role as a pirate.  It's been a week of frustration, challenges, emotions, and pure craziness.  Everyone is busy and there is always a lot going on, but this week took that to the extreme.  Some of the chaos included my parents health issues (they are both okay), water pipes breaking all over the area (lots to do at work), deadline to write my talk for an upcoming retreat, plus all the usual things that have to be done - clean clothes, meals, groceries, dishes, open the mail.  I am assuming that the bills I receive are not just suggestions - people would like me to pay them, right?  Then you add in my regular scheduled stuff - women's group (I was tempted to skip), book study group (I was tempted to skip), bible study (I was late), and no wonder I'm tired!

The grace of music - part 2

So, I was browsing a Catholic Devotional book, and came across a reflection that fit so perfectly with my music experience (read it here).  The Scripture reference was the story of Mary and Martha from Luke's Gospel, and the author was focused on the comment from Jesus to Martha, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things."  Luke 10:41

The author noted that while there are many distractions and worries in our lives, we will never regret time spent with Jesus.  Just like Mary chose the better part, we must banish our anxious thoughts in order to be fully present (back to the full, active, conscious participation request) with God.  Time spent with God is never wasted.

This makes me smile soooo much.  How true it is!  When I think I absolutely, positively, have no time to spare, that is when I MUST shift my priorities.  With God first, there is room for everything else of importance.  Do you know why?  Because when God is first, nothing else is as important.  And that is how it should be.

Challenge - Keep God first in everything.  Take 15 minutes, 1 hour, an afternoon, or whatever chunk of time you can manage.  Make God the priority all through that time.  It will not be easy at first.  Maybe you'll need to start small.  But once you can put God first, everything else falls into place.  My personal challenge is to follow that advice when nothing is going my way.  That's worth bonus points!

Prayer - God, You know that I run in many distractions, chasing things that seem pressing.  Help me to realize that the only real priority in my life is You.  I seek Your guidance and grace to help me grow closer to You.  I want the inner peace that comes from knowing You intimately.