How are you?

Recently, someone asked me how I was.  Before I could even think, I automatically replied, "Fine."  I paused for a nano-second, and then clarified.  "Actually, I'm stressed out about xyz, but everything else is fine."  I'm not exactly sure what compelled my revision of the socially expected response.  We are seemingly programmed to respond, "Fine," whether it is true or not.  Maybe because we don't want to reveal problems and insecurities, or maybe because the person asking isn't interested in an answer with more than one syllable.  It is interesting to ponder.

How are you?

Fine.  

Love in Action

There are moments in time, when we get a glimpse of love in action.  God grants us the gift of seeing through His eyes and we connect to another in ways we can't explain.  In today's world, with the pressures and expectations of perfection, busy-ness, and keeping up with unrealistic images, we can miss the simple beauty that exists in the soul of another.  The times when we do pause long enough to notice these gifts are grace-filled.

I think, too often, we discount our own good-ness.  Not in a prideful way, but as a genuine human, reaching out to another human, supporting each other.  So many times we fall into the trap of 'not-enough,' as in I'm not good enough, smart enough, organized enough, involved enough, generous enough, etc. that we miss the opportunity to feed another's soul.  Just the other day, someone commented to me that they 'knew' me:  that I was spiritual, a musician, prayerful.  While I appreciate the persona I apparently exude, this is't the whole story.  Even if I appear to be those things, most of the time I don't feel I am those things, or at least, not as well as I could be.  You see, even if I strive to be those things (and I do) and I desire to live that way (and I try), I will probably never say that about myself.  I'm not saying that I'm modest or humble, rather, it's hard to claim my royalty as a daughter of the King when I never measure up in my own head.  

A New Normal - 200 Days

200 days.  An eternity or a moment?  I guess it comes down to perspective.

• 66 days to create a habit 
• 100 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of a grapefruit
• 107 working days (on average) are required to pay your income tax each year (29% of income)
• 120 days to train for a marathon
• 200 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of an eggplant
• 200 days is over 1/2 of a year, or 6.575 months, or 28.5 weeks, or 4800 hours

October 28 marks 200 days of my new normal.  It seems a moment AND an eternity.  I thought the 100 day mark (July 21) would feel momentous, or maybe sad. The reality was, it was just another day in my new normal,  a typical day.  Today feels a bit more . . . something. I haven't pinpointed my exact emotions as I think it will be better not to dissect it, but rather to simply live it.

Today is extra special because I was sent a note that my mom wrote, something she copied from one of her favorite inspirational writers, Helen Steiner Rice. Opening that card today, and seeing her handwriting made the sentiment even more impactful.

The Light of Faith 

No matter how small

The light of faith

To God it's like a flame

For if you can pray

You'll find there's a way, 

You need only whisper His name. 

No matter how small

Faith's candle burns, 

It's glow cannot deceive 

For the smallest of light

Will burn the most bright

When it's shining because you believe. 

Becoming a Saint

Happy Feast of All Saints!  There are so many wonderful men and women who have gone before us, giving us examples of how to live, or sometimes, what NOT to do!  I think there is a saint for almost any situation/career/grace that you could think of.  What inspires me the most is that many of the saints are ordinary people who loved God completely.  As we heard at Mass today, we don't have to be a St. Thomas Aquinas (very scholarly) or St. Theresa of Kolkata (working with the poorest of the poor).  Yet we are not excused from being saint just because we don't think we can measure up.  Sainthood is not only defined by great acts, although there are many saints who were heroic in their actions.  To me, being a saint is as basic as Matthew Kelly's famous catchphrase - "Becoming the best version of ourselves."  I love that expression, because it highlights two things:  1) That we don't have to become anyone other than ourselves.  We are quality material!  2) We were designed to be saints from the beginning of our very existence.  It is in our spiritual DNA!  In our homily today, we heard that doing small things with great love is a saintly act.  Many saints espouse that motto, but one of the best is St. Therese.

"Little things done out of love are those that charm the Heart of Christ… On the contrary, the most brilliant deeds, when done without love, are but nothingness."

 ~St. Therese of Lisieux "The Little Flower" (taken from  http://www.pathsoflove.com/love-therese.html)

Thankful Thursday - Home, sweet home

Well, that was fast.

As in, I got an offer on my house and they wanted to close in 15 days!  Yikes.  Yesterday was closing, and now I am without a house.  Thanks to my fabulous realtor, Steve, for his time and commitment.  I am grateful for the opportunity to work with him.  God is good.

Having listed my house in January, shortly after I opened the current chapter in my life journey, I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of speed.  "The housing market is good," they said.  "Your house will sell quickly," they said.  I guess it's all relative.  

It's official!

It was definitely evident that God had a plan, even if I didn't know the details of said plan.  For one thing, I was never panicked about the sale of my house.  That's not to say I didn't have moments of anxiety or doubt.  Yet, I had a peace about the situation that wasn't of this world.  I am grateful that God granted me the grace of patience in this situation.  I had just experienced God's plan when I accepted my new job, so it made sense that this would have been figured out already.  Cross that off of my to-do list :-)

One thing that really made me smile was the timing of the offer.  I had been planning a surprise party on May 1, and the venue ended up being my unoccupied house, for lack of a better option.  The phone call about the offer came April 27, and I just knew that the timing was certainly of God - enough time to wrap things up, have the party, finalize details, and revel in God's goodness.  I liked the idea, too, that this happened around Tasha's birthday - I'm sure she had her fingers in there as well.

Celebrating the sale :-)

What's next?  I'm not sure.  In the next moments, I want to focus on God's goodness and the gifts I have received.  I cannot express enough how thankful I am for everyone's love and support.  So I will close with this prayer:

Ephesians 3:14-19  "For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

The house formerly known as mine :-)

Thankful Thursday - One day more

Today is my niece's birthday, and she's celebrating it in Heaven. She would be 23 years old. I think one of the best gifts she ever gave me was her example of fully living in the moment. I think of her and am reminded how I want to live my days to the fullest.

I sometimes wonder, when I think about her and my other beloved dead, especially those who died suddenly, if they would have lived differently, had they known when their lives were ending.  None of us have a crystal ball, nor should we, in my opinion.   Yet, it is incumbent upon us to live our lives in such a way that we have no fear of death.  

Jesus lived that way.  He knew what was to come, still went forward. Into the pain and suffering willingly. If we knew what tomorrow held, would we still embrace it, bumps and all? Or are we too busy thinking about what could happen, so we forget to live in the present? Or conversely we focus on what didn't go the way we wanted, and we are mired in the past, failing to live fully? Ultimately, we have one true call, to live now, loving and serving God and our neighbor.

 How will you live that call?

All in God's time

Living in the present - being present - living with full awareness.  I do not do these well all of the time, but I'd like to think that I am persistent in my efforts.  I choose my attitude and my effort.  Some days are harder then others.  Yet, through it all, I am aware of God.

God is good.

So naturally, we all wish to respond:  All the time.

And, if we've done that, the next step is:  And all the time . . .

GOD IS GOOD!

Even when there are crappy times and struggles and pain and hurt, our sovereign God is still loving us, reaching for us, inviting us closer.

Sacred Silence

Are you listening? Can you hear Jesus calling? If not, you might want to take a minute or ten to quiet yourself and listen for His gentle voice.

That's exactly what I got to do tonight. We had a healing Mass - an opportunity to bring our pain, sufferings, challenges, fears, and give it all to God.

It's not as easy as it sounds, but it's worth the effort to try.

The setting: a darkened church, with votive lights flickering. Soft music playing. Jesus, exposed in the monstrance, beckoning us closer.

What now?

I've been neglecting my writing again, and I only have myself to blame.  It's easy to live with distractions that keep us from what we truly desire.  Add to that the overwhelming evil in our world, and things feel a bit chaotic.  Same-sex marriage, selling aborted babies, shootings, sex trafficking; how do we understand our world?  Where do we begin?  Our actions are under even more scrutiny, as anything we say or do, online or off, can be taken, twisted, and used out of context.  It's enough to make a person want to run for a nice cave, far from civilization!  With all of these thoughts in my head, it's no wonder that I'm feeling bit lost.  

So, what do I know?  I know that God is faithful, even and especially when the world is not.  I know that this life is temporary, and a better one is waiting in eternity.  I find Paul's prayer for the Ephesians in Chapter 3 offers comfort:

"14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[h] in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  20 Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."  ~Ephesians 3:14-21 (NABRE)

So, in the midst of my confusion, I try to hold to that promise:  to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that I might be filled with all the fullness of God.  Eternal One, Ancient and Wise, I thank You for Your gift of love, given extravagantly to us.  Help me to live that love in Your fullness, according to Your plan.    

Happy Birthday

22.  We would be celebrating your 22nd birthday.  It's a bittersweet time.  The sadness is still there, some days more than others.  It's almost funny how you can randomly come to mind.  I guess that's one way to get me to say a prayer :)  Seeing any redheaded is guaranteed to remind me of you.  But there are other things.  Good drumming.  An irrepressible spirit.  Memories.  Yet, the part that continues to give me the most comfort can be found at Mass.  

There are 2 times when you especially come to mind:  during the Nicene Creed and during the Preface.  When we recite, ". . . and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead."  I think of you.  For that will be a time of rejoicing, when we are reunited.  And again, during the Preface, when the priest speaks of the choirs of angels joining with our song of "Holy".  Heaven and earth are united, and we are as close as we can be.  

You are always present to me, and I love you so dearly.  I thank God for the gift of your life and my small part in it.  Until we are on the same side of eternity, I will keep praying for you.  Please do the same for me.

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 5 - Easter!

Continued from Part 4.  I know that the reading of the Passion ends with Jesus being laid in the tomb.  Thankfully, that is not where our salvation story ends.  Indeed, it is because of the suffering and death of Jesus that we can celebrate in Our Savior's Resurrection.  Yesterday, we experienced the silence of the tomb.  Today, we are called to celebrate in the Eternal Life of God.  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

Thankful Thursday - Holy Thursday 2015

Beauty. Liturgy. Song. Prayer.

Mass of the Lord's Supper.

So many thoughts, so many joys and sorrows.  Words are inadequate to describe the power of the experience.  From the washing of the feet, to the Eucharist, the richness of Scripture and Tradition was repeated.  "Do this in remembrance of me." 1 Corinthians 11. "....that as I have done for you, you should also do." John 13.  What power is present when we fully enter into these Sacred Mysteries.  Are we even able to fully comprehend the boundless depths of God's love for us?  In sharing of ourselves and opening our hearts to God, we catch a mere glimpse of the joy of Heaven.  And from my glimpse tonight, it is a beautiful thing.  

Be My Valentine - You Are Mine

No, I'm not talking about a valentine's phrase, exactly, although it could certainly be God's valentine to us.  I'm referring to a song we often sing at church.  It was actually my penance after celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and it was absolutely perfect.  Let me explain.

First, a note about the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  It really gets a bad rap.  If you have not had a a wonderful, positive, freeing experience with that Sacrament, you need to go again.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Let's set aside the discussion on confessing sins to a priest and focus on the deeper purpose:  reconciliation with God.

Thankful Thursday - 12/25/14

My heart is full, and there is even more room for joy and love, possibilities and challenges, and whatever life presents.  I think that when we exemplify Christ's love, our hearts grow to even bigger capacities than we thought possible.

~Love~
Love is laughter and happiness, giving and receiving.
Love is sharing pain and struggles, tears and frustrations.
Love is family, even when you don't agree or get along.
Love is harder than we want, and better than we imagine.
Love is Christmas, every day of our lives.
Live Love.

Christmas 2014

"For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Christ and Lord."  ~from Luke 2

What a blessing to be able to celebrate Christ's birth.  Even more so, when we recognize that Christ comes every day in our lives, and will return at the end of time.  History, mystery, and majesty.  There is something magical about the experience of Midnight Mass.  To proclaim joy with the song "Joy to the World," or to imagine the angel choirs when we sing "Angels We Have Heard on High".  We become what we proclaim. 

May we continue to proclaim Christ and His message of love throughout our lives.

23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time - integrity

http://usccb.org/bible/readings/090714.cfm 

Quick recap:
1st Reading - Ezekiel - we must avoid sin and lead others away from sin
Psalm 95 - If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.
Epistle - Romans 13 - "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
Gospel - Matthew 18 - our responsibility is to love others and to help them

With everything that has been going on this past week, I didn't get my usual preparation time, so today I'm going to borrow from the homilies I heard.  Two words stuck out in our teaching - integrity and authenticity.  We are called to be true to ourselves at all times, no matter where we are or with whom.

in·teg·ri·ty   inˈtegritē/   noun

1.the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. "he is known to be a man of integrity"
synonyms: honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics,morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness,scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness
"I never doubted his integrity"
2.the state of being whole and undivided. "upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"
synonyms: unity, unification, coherence, cohesion, togetherness, solidarity
"the integrity of the federation"

1. 
   

au·then·tic     ôˈTHentik/    adjective

1.of undisputed origin; genuine.  "the letter is now accepted as an authentic document"
synonyms: genuine, real, bona fide, true, veritable; More

Memorial of St. Augustine

August 28 - Memorial of St. Augustine

St. Augustine, Bishop and Doctor of the Church has many incredible writings and commentaries. I am only just beginning to delve into a small piece of his work; I know I have much to learn. What I do know is something that came up in a recent study of the document "Sing to the Lord:  Music in Divine Worship."

'As St. Augustine says, "Singing is for the one who loves."

Reconciliation

I'm working on my housecleaning list, and I realized I hadn't done any soul-cleaning recently.  I had a particularly rough day and I was recounting it to a friend.  I shared my appalling behavior and bad attitude and waited for her to chastise me.  I figured I deserved a talking to, because I knew better.  Instead, she laughed, and said, 'Oh honey, that's what confession is for.'  So, today, I got my butt in gear and went to seek reconciliation with God and those I hurt.

I am human, and I'm going to screw up over and over again.  That's a fact.  What is less unsure is how willing I am to profess my human-ness and sinfulness and ask for God's mercy over and over again.  It's there, and it's free, and it's mine for the asking.

Still sinking in

I had a brief conversation on death and dying today.  We were talking about my Dad and his health, and I made the remark, "Why do our bodies have to deteriorate?"  I got the response, "Because we are only meant to be here for a short time, and some even shorter than others."  How true that is.  We are not meant for this world.  This is our boarding call, preparation for the biggest trip we're ever going to take.  Some get on sooner, some have to be carried on, and most leave before we are ready to let go.

My sister and I were talking tonight, and she reminded me of a comment Dad once made.  He said, "Sorrow is the result of a change for which you were not prepared."  I was not prepared to say goodbye to my dad in this life last weekend.  I'm not sure that I will ever really be prepared for that.  However, I feel that our recent experience and brush with death has brought this reality closer.

Things are still sinking in for me, and I have been spending a great deal of time pondering all of it.  Life, death, suffering, meaning, purpose.  Heavy stuff.  Interesting stuff.  Life-altering stuff.  But what really brought it home for me is the realization that my favorite guy to chat with, the one I could call any time - to keep me awake while I'm driving or keep me motivated when working through my to-do list - isn't always going to be there to answer my call.  That's going to be tough.  I'm not trying to take on tomorrow's burden today, but I realized that it is a change for which I am not prepared.  Like Dad said, a sorrow.

What is life?  Constant change.  So, in some ways, that seems to equate with constant sorrow, right?  I disagree.  There are moments of emotion, sadness, and realization that so many things are beyond my control, but there are also opportunities for growth, embracing change, and trust.  I may not be able to prepare for every change (thus avoiding sorrow), but I can cling to something solid while the change swirls around me.  Faith is the answer.  Not always easy, and not a fix-it cure, but a deep-down knowledge that despite the chaos that exists, faith trumps sorrow.

One day at a time.  Still sinking in.

"And now these three remain:  faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love."  ~1 Corinthians 13:13

Love never fails

One of my latest favorites:  Love Never Fails

 

How important love really is - not the fantasy love that is really self-serving.  Not the romanticized love of the movies, or the way we claim to 'love' a product.  The deep love that gives more than is humanly possible because we realize that love truly comes from God.  God loved us first, so we can be love to others.

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (courtesy of BibleGateway )