How are you?

Recently, someone asked me how I was.  Before I could even think, I automatically replied, "Fine."  I paused for a nano-second, and then clarified.  "Actually, I'm stressed out about xyz, but everything else is fine."  I'm not exactly sure what compelled my revision of the socially expected response.  We are seemingly programmed to respond, "Fine," whether it is true or not.  Maybe because we don't want to reveal problems and insecurities, or maybe because the person asking isn't interested in an answer with more than one syllable.  It is interesting to ponder.

How are you?

Fine.  

Did I miss the apocalypse?

Once again, I'm drawn back to reflect on life, especially in our current setting.  This extreme change in our social behavior feels unreal, as if I woke up in totally different world than the one before.  I didn't realize just how many things I've taken for granted, both big and small.  And maybe even more telling are the things that are no longer available that I didn't value when they were.

It's tempting to panic.  It's tempting to deny.  It's tempting to complain and moan and despair.  But I choose something more.  Something better.  I choose hope.  Because, let's face it, who likes to talk to a pessimist?  So why would I want to live that way?

A New Normal - one day at a time

Today is Mom's birthday.  She would have been 85.  I'm not sure whether this day will be a day of sadness or a day of grace.  Probably both.  Part of me wants to celebrate her life, and the other part wants June 26 to start immediately.  I guess I'm a little gun-shy after the experience of Mother's Day.


Mother's Day.


Who knew such a beautiful holiday could magnify my grief?

Thankful Thursday - Home, sweet home

Well, that was fast.

As in, I got an offer on my house and they wanted to close in 15 days!  Yikes.  Yesterday was closing, and now I am without a house.  Thanks to my fabulous realtor, Steve, for his time and commitment.  I am grateful for the opportunity to work with him.  God is good.

Having listed my house in January, shortly after I opened the current chapter in my life journey, I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of speed.  "The housing market is good," they said.  "Your house will sell quickly," they said.  I guess it's all relative.  

It's official!

It was definitely evident that God had a plan, even if I didn't know the details of said plan.  For one thing, I was never panicked about the sale of my house.  That's not to say I didn't have moments of anxiety or doubt.  Yet, I had a peace about the situation that wasn't of this world.  I am grateful that God granted me the grace of patience in this situation.  I had just experienced God's plan when I accepted my new job, so it made sense that this would have been figured out already.  Cross that off of my to-do list :-)

One thing that really made me smile was the timing of the offer.  I had been planning a surprise party on May 1, and the venue ended up being my unoccupied house, for lack of a better option.  The phone call about the offer came April 27, and I just knew that the timing was certainly of God - enough time to wrap things up, have the party, finalize details, and revel in God's goodness.  I liked the idea, too, that this happened around Tasha's birthday - I'm sure she had her fingers in there as well.

Celebrating the sale :-)

What's next?  I'm not sure.  In the next moments, I want to focus on God's goodness and the gifts I have received.  I cannot express enough how thankful I am for everyone's love and support.  So I will close with this prayer:

Ephesians 3:14-19  "For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

The house formerly known as mine :-)

Sacred Silence

Are you listening? Can you hear Jesus calling? If not, you might want to take a minute or ten to quiet yourself and listen for His gentle voice.

That's exactly what I got to do tonight. We had a healing Mass - an opportunity to bring our pain, sufferings, challenges, fears, and give it all to God.

It's not as easy as it sounds, but it's worth the effort to try.

The setting: a darkened church, with votive lights flickering. Soft music playing. Jesus, exposed in the monstrance, beckoning us closer.

This moment

What does God want me to get out of this moment?

A very wise person (who happens to be my sister) encouraged me to ponder this question after I called her wanting a magic wand to solve life's questions and problems.  I had arrived at an impasse, and there was really nothing I could do but wait.  Not my action of choice, especially at that moment.  I was frustrated, anxious, irritable, tired, and confused.  She managed to put things in perspective when she shared something she had read, which her spiritual director had shared with her.  (Thank goodness for spiritual directors!)  As I was contemplating my feelings, next actions, and life in general, she suggested that I stop and ask myself, 'What does God want me to get out of this moment?'

Maybe it was the opportunity to practice patience.  Or so I could be motivated to think about things differently.  Maybe it was so I would call my sister.  I don't know the answer, but I do know that there is a very valuable lesson for me.  The only way I will discover the answer is to be in conversation with God.  To look at this situation through God's lens gives me a whole new perspective.  Rather than feel helpless or frustrated, I can grow, if I am willing to let go.  I guess that's why people say, 'Have faith.'  We may not have all the details, the road map, or a Sherpa to guide us, but we have God.  Sometimes we have to let go of our small plans to receive better ones.

So, I will live in the moment, and do the best I can, while God prepares and molds me.  It's not easy, but it will be worth it.
  

The grace of music - part 2

So, I was browsing a Catholic Devotional book, and came across a reflection that fit so perfectly with my music experience (read it here).  The Scripture reference was the story of Mary and Martha from Luke's Gospel, and the author was focused on the comment from Jesus to Martha, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things."  Luke 10:41

The author noted that while there are many distractions and worries in our lives, we will never regret time spent with Jesus.  Just like Mary chose the better part, we must banish our anxious thoughts in order to be fully present (back to the full, active, conscious participation request) with God.  Time spent with God is never wasted.

This makes me smile soooo much.  How true it is!  When I think I absolutely, positively, have no time to spare, that is when I MUST shift my priorities.  With God first, there is room for everything else of importance.  Do you know why?  Because when God is first, nothing else is as important.  And that is how it should be.

Challenge - Keep God first in everything.  Take 15 minutes, 1 hour, an afternoon, or whatever chunk of time you can manage.  Make God the priority all through that time.  It will not be easy at first.  Maybe you'll need to start small.  But once you can put God first, everything else falls into place.  My personal challenge is to follow that advice when nothing is going my way.  That's worth bonus points!

Prayer - God, You know that I run in many distractions, chasing things that seem pressing.  Help me to realize that the only real priority in my life is You.  I seek Your guidance and grace to help me grow closer to You.  I want the inner peace that comes from knowing You intimately.