Limiting God

Limiting God - that sounds like it should be the title of a Science Fiction horror; God is limitless!!!  But yet, all to often we do exactly that.  

It sounds absurd, I know!  

How can we, mere humans, begin to contain the Creator of the Universe?

There are more examples of this than you might care to admit.  In today's Gospel, (Mark 6:1-6) Jesus was limited when he began to teach in the synagogue.  This was the same person who, just when he returned to Nazareth, had been welcomed and greeted and received by family, friends and neighbors.  Yet when he spoke the Truth through the Scriptures, their minds and hearts limited what they were willing to receive.  They couldn't get past what they thought they knew, and thus, no mighty deeds were done by Jesus in Nazareth.  How sad is that?!

How are you?

Recently, someone asked me how I was.  Before I could even think, I automatically replied, "Fine."  I paused for a nano-second, and then clarified.  "Actually, I'm stressed out about xyz, but everything else is fine."  I'm not exactly sure what compelled my revision of the socially expected response.  We are seemingly programmed to respond, "Fine," whether it is true or not.  Maybe because we don't want to reveal problems and insecurities, or maybe because the person asking isn't interested in an answer with more than one syllable.  It is interesting to ponder.

How are you?

Fine.  

The Puzzle of Life

 I cam across this quote recently, and it really resonated with me.  

If you can trust a puzzle company to make sure every piece is in the box to complete the puzzle, then why can't you trust God that every piece of your life is there for a reason?

I love puzzles, whether jigsaw or not.  I like the challenge of taking a bunch of seemingly random pieces and seeing them take shape.  I enjoy the thrill of putting in the final piece, or the joy of finally finding the right place for that stubborn piece that looked like it was in the wrong puzzle box!  I've frantically searched for missing pieces that seemingly vanished and leave the puzzle unfinished (maybe they went to the place that missing socks live?!).  I've placed pieces where I thought they fit, then discovered the piece that truly fits and had to change what I thought was complete.

What an amazing analogy for life!!!!!

With Lifted Hands

I'm a big fan of to-do lists.  I like LOVE the satisfaction of crossing something off or completing it and moving on to the next item.  While I may have way too many lists, they help motivate me, keep me accountable, and not forget something in the busy-ness of life.  In other words, they give me a sense of control.  And, if I'm honest, my to-do list is one of the few things in my life which I can control.  Whether it's big things or small, there's a lot that just is what it is, and we have to deal with the good, bad and ugly every day.  

But today, I had an insight about my relationship with God and my attempts to control that as well!  Thankfully, I don't have to achieve a certain status or perfection in my life to be in a relationship with God, but I do like to bring my lists to God.  That's not a bad thing at all, but I tend to present them in the following mindset, "Okay God, here's where I'm struggling, and this is the healing I'm praying for, and I'm lifting up XYZ."  Sounds a lot like my to-do lists.  But prayer, and especially a relationship with God, is not lived out in a checklist of to-dos.  Moving through my prayer requests doesn't get me to the next level or earn me a gold star.  When I think I'm being efficient and organized, I'm actually missing the bigger picture.  My relationship with God is not lineal, nor are his graces and blessings and answered prayers.  Yet I get stuck on a situation or I continue pounding on a closed door because I've limited how I want to receive God's answer.  

Did I miss the apocalypse?

Once again, I'm drawn back to reflect on life, especially in our current setting.  This extreme change in our social behavior feels unreal, as if I woke up in totally different world than the one before.  I didn't realize just how many things I've taken for granted, both big and small.  And maybe even more telling are the things that are no longer available that I didn't value when they were.

It's tempting to panic.  It's tempting to deny.  It's tempting to complain and moan and despair.  But I choose something more.  Something better.  I choose hope.  Because, let's face it, who likes to talk to a pessimist?  So why would I want to live that way?

The lost is found

"Pray to St. Anthony," I assert.  "He knows where it is."

I regularly call on St. Anthony for help.  You might say I have him on speed prayer :-)  I used to think that it was rude to 'bother' St. Anthony for inconsequential things.  Just because I can't find my 3-hole punch, doesn't mean I need to inconvenience anyone, especially not a saint! 

Now, I view my frequent requests as part of my relationship to the saints.  The more I converse with them (please note, this is not to be confused with talking to myself!), the more I am in tune with them.  Just like a close friend, the more we talk, the stronger our relationship becomes.  We begin to emulate each other (which is why you need to pick good friends!).  Who would be a better friend and model than a saint?! 

I admit that in the beginning, my requests really felt superstitious.  Like knocking on wood to prevent something from happening (I mean, really?!).  But the more I converse with St. Anthony and the saints, the more I am open to grace, such as patience.  It's frustrating when you can't find something you need, but I trust in God's timing.  And just like talking to a friend about a complicated situation, you feel better for sharing the burden, even if nothing has changed.  Now, when I pray to St. Anthony, I trust that he knows what I need, even if it's not what I ask and especially when it's not in the time frame I want.

Try it sometime, and then try it again.  And again.  And again.  Do you see a pattern here? :-)  With time, it will feel less 'fake' and more peaceful.  There is such a freedom in knowing that St. Anthony knows where the item is.  I don't get all worked up (most of the time) because the item is known to St. Anthony, and just like I trust my friends to help me out when they can, I trust him.

A New Normal - 200 Days

200 days.  An eternity or a moment?  I guess it comes down to perspective.

• 66 days to create a habit 
• 100 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of a grapefruit
• 107 working days (on average) are required to pay your income tax each year (29% of income)
• 120 days to train for a marathon
• 200 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of an eggplant
• 200 days is over 1/2 of a year, or 6.575 months, or 28.5 weeks, or 4800 hours

October 28 marks 200 days of my new normal.  It seems a moment AND an eternity.  I thought the 100 day mark (July 21) would feel momentous, or maybe sad. The reality was, it was just another day in my new normal,  a typical day.  Today feels a bit more . . . something. I haven't pinpointed my exact emotions as I think it will be better not to dissect it, but rather to simply live it.

Today is extra special because I was sent a note that my mom wrote, something she copied from one of her favorite inspirational writers, Helen Steiner Rice. Opening that card today, and seeing her handwriting made the sentiment even more impactful.

The Light of Faith 

No matter how small

The light of faith

To God it's like a flame

For if you can pray

You'll find there's a way, 

You need only whisper His name. 

No matter how small

Faith's candle burns, 

It's glow cannot deceive 

For the smallest of light

Will burn the most bright

When it's shining because you believe. 

Perfect timing

I was looking back at some of my posts while trying to find a fitting title for this one.  I've noticed that my recent focus appears to be on time, i.e. God's timing, patience, seasons, etc.  This one is in much the same vein.  There is so much to say, I'm not sure my thoughts can be expressed completely.  Life is complicated.  In one breath we experience joy, and the next, sadness.  Time is the great equalizer, granting perspective or hindsight.  There are so many pieces that we don't understand while they are happening, but occasionally, we can look back and glimpse God's work in our lives.

I was recently back to my old 'stomping grounds' as I was playing for a wedding.  Interestingly enough, the cantor was my former neighbor.  We practiced a few times, and chatted back and forth via text.  We talked more in the last two weeks then we probably did in the five years I lived across the street.  She made a comment to me that she wished we had connected sooner.  I agreed.  Sometimes it takes big changes to see something that's right across the street.  Yet, I believe that God's timing is perfect, even if it is occasionally confusing.  

All in God's time

Living in the present - being present - living with full awareness.  I do not do these well all of the time, but I'd like to think that I am persistent in my efforts.  I choose my attitude and my effort.  Some days are harder then others.  Yet, through it all, I am aware of God.

God is good.

So naturally, we all wish to respond:  All the time.

And, if we've done that, the next step is:  And all the time . . .

GOD IS GOOD!

Even when there are crappy times and struggles and pain and hurt, our sovereign God is still loving us, reaching for us, inviting us closer.

Thankful Thursday 5/28/15 - Giving Thanks

Okay, I'm a few days off, but it was a short week and I got my days messed up.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it :-)  I wanted to post a quick update on my great-nephew.  He is doing very well.  Scans are showing positive results, and each day seems to bring more good news.  Thank you for your love and prayers.  I was discussing this in my prayer group earlier this week, and trying to identify my deepest feelings.  I know life is short, and generally shorter than we anticipate.  Carter's story could have gone much differently.  I wrestled with my feelings; would I still be praising God if it had been bad news, instead of good?  God is able to handle all of my messy emotion and irrational behavior, thank goodness.  But would I have trusted Him if 'my' prayers weren't answered?  Sometimes we don't know the answer to those questions until we are in that situation.  I'd like to think that at some point I would conclude that I trust God, in the good and in the bad.  In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on God, knowing that terrible things can be used for good.  It's like spiritual exercise - just as an athlete trains for their next event, I want to prepare my soul for the challenges coming.  Death, loss, destruction, evil.  They are part of our fallen world.  Yet we know:

"In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world."  ~John 16:33b

Prayer - Lord, Your love of us is beyond comprehension.  You feel our hurt, pain, and confusion as we struggle in this world.  Help us to cling to You, secure in the knowledge that whatever befalls us, You are present.  May we bless You always.

Precious Time

It's been a strange month for me.  I haven't written much here, and I've tried to avoid thinking about why.  I have so many thoughts and inspirations, but I haven't given them or myself an outlet.  I think I was frustrated with God, and was using passive-agressive behavior to retaliate.  The childish attitude that 'I'm going to purposefully snub this gift, or something.'  Obviously, not much logic involved.  It became easier to ignore the desire to write than to do something about it.  Given enough time, I could have pretended it didn't matter if I never continued.  But that's not true.  Because by not writing, I'm not being honest with myself or to God.  Granted, God already knows all that there is to know, and loves me anyway.  But I still like to pretend that if I don't tell God, He doesn't know :-)

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 5 - Easter!

Continued from Part 4.  I know that the reading of the Passion ends with Jesus being laid in the tomb.  Thankfully, that is not where our salvation story ends.  Indeed, it is because of the suffering and death of Jesus that we can celebrate in Our Savior's Resurrection.  Yesterday, we experienced the silence of the tomb.  Today, we are called to celebrate in the Eternal Life of God.  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 4

First view of the dome of the Church of the

Holy Sepulchure

Continued from Part 3.

Calvary.  I don't know what I expected, exactly.  A desolate mountain or a lonely hill.  Something separated from reality, I guess.  The Church of the Holy Sepulchure contains both the locations of Jesus' death on the cross and His Resurrection.  I had not realized how closely situated these places really are.

Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord

First reading - Isaiah - celebrating the glory of the Lord
Psalm 72 - Lord, every nation on earth will adore you.
Epistle - Ephesians - we are all graced people
Gospel - Matthew 2 - visit from the magi

I heard an excellent story, which I will share here.  I have not discovered the source, but it is certainly worth hearing.  On the Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord, we hear about King Herod's jealousy when the magi arrive in search of the newborn King.  The first reading and psalm highlight the goodness of the King, which stands in contrast to Herod's behavior.  Rather than behave in a kingly fashion, which would, as a representative of God, mean serving the people and acting justly for all, Herod is consumed with his own importance.  This behavior is the backdrop for the story.

3 men of different religions were discussing which religion was the one, true faith.  The discussion became heated and they almost came to blows.  They decided to seek the counsel of a wise man in the area.  The spiritual guru told the men that the answer would lie with a flour mill on the other side of the great mountain.  The guru said they could climb the mountain and go over the peak to reach the mill.  It would be a very difficult journey, but it could be done.  Then the guru said there was a path around the left side of the mountain which would take them to the mill.  He said the path was rocky and full of obstacles, and would not be an easy journey, but it could be done.  Finally, the guru said that there was a road around the right side of the mountain to the mill.  The road was smooth and clear, and the journey would be easy.  "But," said the guru, "when you get to the mill, the man there will not inquire as to how you reached the mill.  Instead, he will ask about the quality of your wheat."

There are many paths to God.  Some will be significantly easier than others.  Ponder your path.  Are you attempting to climb over the mountain, through rocks and brambles, or along a smooth road?  Do not spend all of your energy struggling on the path.  Ultimately, we are all called to God, and will be judged by "our wheat".

God's response

God has a sense of humor, for sure.

I had an 'animated' conversation with God last night.  I was frustrated and tired, and asked God to make my next step apparent.  The particular situation in question was beyond my control, and needed Divine Intervention, either in the form of a change of the situation or a change in my desires.

I went to sleep, and when I got up the next morning, I remembered my plea.  I pondered what might develop, and then proceeded to prepare for the day.  In the mornings, my routine doesn't vary much, other than how much time I procrastinate :)  The part that does change is my audio environment.  Most mornings I get ready in outward silence, because I have so many thoughts and ideas going through my head, I don't miss the external noise.  There are times, however, when I will crank up a playlist or audio book or listen to my morning prayers.  Today, I was drawn to a playlist.  I have lots of options, to fit lots of moods.  One of my favorites is my 'Inspirational' list, and that one gets a lot of play.  I hit play on my tablet and started brushing my teeth.

The song that started playing - I did not select a particular song, just the playlist, remember - was While I'm Waiting by John Waller.  Wham!  All I could do was smile and chuckle.  "Okay God, I hear You!"  It's an amazing song, and worth checking out.

Memorial of Saint Monica

August 27 - Memorial of Saint Monica

Saint Monica is the example of persistence in prayer.  Her pleading to God for the conversion of her son, Augustine, was heard.  What faith, to continue to pray, even when things seem impossible.  She did not give up.

Are there prayers that you gave up because the progress was not immediately evident?  Never doubt that your prayers are heard.  Follow the example of Saint Monica - when in doubt, pray, pray, pray.

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."  ~Philippians 4:6

Distractions part 2

Read part 1 here.

Another observation about distractions - what am I doing to limit or control them?  I can't control the weather or health issues or a friend's crisis, but I can reevaluate my environment, habits, and temptations.  Here's an example:  I have a library of books.  Literally.  I am passionate about reading and learning, and I have nurtured this by collecting lots and lots of books.  Those who have helped me move over the years can attest to my love of books - sorry!  More recently, however, I have begun evaluating both the purpose and value of my books.  Books have distracted me for years and years, and now I want to consider the source.  What value am I getting from these books?  How are they helping me reach my life goals?  Reading a book for enjoyment is okay, but what about reading to learn more about my faith?  I have many interests and priorities that need to balance with my limited free time.  If I truly wish to become a better person as I journey towards Heaven, I have to remove some of the lesser distractions in my life.  This is not an easy task.  

Distractions part 1

I had a conversation last week about distractions, and surprise, surprise, we got distracted!  The conversation went something like this:

'Did you print that report for me?'
'No, I'm sorry.  I got distracted.'
'That's okay - you have a lot of things to distract you.  My friend would call that ADOS.'
'ADOS?'
'Attention Deficit - Oooohhhhh Shiny!'
Laughter ensues.  Cue curtain.

I still smile when I think of that conversation.  Humor is definitely healing.  However, there is a truth to that statement that interrupts our lives and disrupts our relationship with God and others.  Ever since that day, I've been more aware of the distractions in life.  I know - there will always be something to distract us.  I believe, however, that we can and should work to prevent distractions from ruling our lives.  If we don't, all we do is flit from one shiny thing to another.  I think there is another way.

Come on in, the water's fine!

http://usccb.org/bible/readings/081014.cfm

I knew it was coming - reflections on the Sunday readings and Peter's excursion out of the boat.  I just wasn't counting on the circumstances which prompted this post.  Somewhere between 11:15 and 11:30 PM, the Heavens opened and wind, rain, thunder, lightning, and even a little hail came crashing down.  Not being a particular fan of storms, I wasn't sure of the best response.  Sleep was out of the question, and my plan consisted of Holy Water :)  Then, it was wait and see.  Not much to be done about a storm.  It will blow where it will and do what it wants, and I ain't gonna stop it.  I wandered from door to window, looking out front, looking out back.  All of the lights were off, but there was so much lightning I could still see.

It's a bit helpless, to have no mode of action.  My brain started reviewing my options and I remembered the Gospel from our Bible Study last night - Jesus calls Peter out of the boat, and calms the storm.  During our discussion, I had remarked that I wouldn't want to get out of the boat - hello drowning!  I had also recently used boats as a metaphor for faith in a previous post, so my line of thought was not tracking with Jesus' call to Peter.  As the storm raged all around me, I wondered how I would have responded.  I was scared inside a house, let a lone in a boat on a raging sea!  Would I have courage to step out at Jesus' call?

Still sinking in

I had a brief conversation on death and dying today.  We were talking about my Dad and his health, and I made the remark, "Why do our bodies have to deteriorate?"  I got the response, "Because we are only meant to be here for a short time, and some even shorter than others."  How true that is.  We are not meant for this world.  This is our boarding call, preparation for the biggest trip we're ever going to take.  Some get on sooner, some have to be carried on, and most leave before we are ready to let go.

My sister and I were talking tonight, and she reminded me of a comment Dad once made.  He said, "Sorrow is the result of a change for which you were not prepared."  I was not prepared to say goodbye to my dad in this life last weekend.  I'm not sure that I will ever really be prepared for that.  However, I feel that our recent experience and brush with death has brought this reality closer.

Things are still sinking in for me, and I have been spending a great deal of time pondering all of it.  Life, death, suffering, meaning, purpose.  Heavy stuff.  Interesting stuff.  Life-altering stuff.  But what really brought it home for me is the realization that my favorite guy to chat with, the one I could call any time - to keep me awake while I'm driving or keep me motivated when working through my to-do list - isn't always going to be there to answer my call.  That's going to be tough.  I'm not trying to take on tomorrow's burden today, but I realized that it is a change for which I am not prepared.  Like Dad said, a sorrow.

What is life?  Constant change.  So, in some ways, that seems to equate with constant sorrow, right?  I disagree.  There are moments of emotion, sadness, and realization that so many things are beyond my control, but there are also opportunities for growth, embracing change, and trust.  I may not be able to prepare for every change (thus avoiding sorrow), but I can cling to something solid while the change swirls around me.  Faith is the answer.  Not always easy, and not a fix-it cure, but a deep-down knowledge that despite the chaos that exists, faith trumps sorrow.

One day at a time.  Still sinking in.

"And now these three remain:  faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love."  ~1 Corinthians 13:13