A New Normal - A New Lent

Three days before Ash Wednesday 2017, there was a change that happened. It came without fanfare, without pomp and circumstance.  It would forever impact my life, my family, and my heart, but it was disguised as ordinary life.  On that day, February 26, 2017, Mom was admitted to the hospital, never to return home.  While this moment was unexpected and alarming, I did not anticipate the path we were on, and where it would lead.  Life became Lent, and Lent became my life, although I wouldn't truly recognize this until much later.    

A New Normal - A New Year

2017 began like any other year.  I expected good things.  Dad would turn 90 in January, Mom would turn 85 in June, and they would celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary in October.  A year to remember!

There was no herald, announcing that this year would be difficult and painful. 

There was no fanfare, suggesting there would be a final family gathering.

In reality, it was just another year.  In reality, it was . . .  life.

January 8, 2017, we celebrated Dad's 90th birthday.  Friends and family gathered together.  It was the party he requested, with plenty of food and lots of smiles and laughter.  We did group pictures, sibling pictures and more.  

There was love and laughter.

There was happiness and smiles.

I'm happy to say that had we known then, what was coming, I don't think much would have changed. 

A New Normal - 200 Days

200 days.  An eternity or a moment?  I guess it comes down to perspective.

• 66 days to create a habit 
• 100 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of a grapefruit
• 107 working days (on average) are required to pay your income tax each year (29% of income)
• 120 days to train for a marathon
• 200 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of an eggplant
• 200 days is over 1/2 of a year, or 6.575 months, or 28.5 weeks, or 4800 hours

October 28 marks 200 days of my new normal.  It seems a moment AND an eternity.  I thought the 100 day mark (July 21) would feel momentous, or maybe sad. The reality was, it was just another day in my new normal,  a typical day.  Today feels a bit more . . . something. I haven't pinpointed my exact emotions as I think it will be better not to dissect it, but rather to simply live it.

Today is extra special because I was sent a note that my mom wrote, something she copied from one of her favorite inspirational writers, Helen Steiner Rice. Opening that card today, and seeing her handwriting made the sentiment even more impactful.

The Light of Faith 

No matter how small

The light of faith

To God it's like a flame

For if you can pray

You'll find there's a way, 

You need only whisper His name. 

No matter how small

Faith's candle burns, 

It's glow cannot deceive 

For the smallest of light

Will burn the most bright

When it's shining because you believe. 

A New Normal - one day at a time

Today is Mom's birthday.  She would have been 85.  I'm not sure whether this day will be a day of sadness or a day of grace.  Probably both.  Part of me wants to celebrate her life, and the other part wants June 26 to start immediately.  I guess I'm a little gun-shy after the experience of Mother's Day.


Mother's Day.


Who knew such a beautiful holiday could magnify my grief?