Behavior Modification

A snapshot into my life right now would reveal that I am doing the following (among other things):

• Learning Spanish
• Attending Financial Peace University
• Reading Perfectly Yourself 
• Studying Resisting Happiness in a small group
• Singing with 20 ladies
• Working a second job
• Keeping a holy hour at church

These activities are different and varied, but they all have 2 things in common.  They take time, and they require a change in my behavior.  Behavior modification.  That sounds painful, doesn't it?  When I hear those words, I picture an iron gate clanging shut, as if I were locked up or imprisoned.  It can evoke images of difficulty or rigidity. But if I want to participate in and succeed at these activities, I must embrace (or at least work on) behavior modification.  For instance:

• I must do my homework, rather than watch TV.
• I need to create and follow a budget, rather than wonder where my money goes.
• I have to make time to read the books that will make me a better person and help me achieve my goal of Heaven.  This also means taking time to reflect and be silent.
• I have to commit to practicing and being present at rehearsals and performances.
• I will be consistent in responding to the duties of my job, instead of waiting until the last minute and hoping things get done.
• I desire to improve my prayer life and act counter-culturally, spending time in prayer and listening to God.  

All of these actions take time and require me to do more (sometimes much more) than the minimum.  I admit, it's a lot easier to come home, plop in front of the TV (or Amazon Prime, in my case), and browse the internet or waste time on electronic devices while mindlessly snacking.  An occasional 'veg-out' time is acceptable, but a regular routine such as this leads to dissatisfaction, apathy and stagnation.   

As usual, I find direction and inspiration from God's Word, Sunday Mass, and in Matthew Kelly's books.  It's funny, though, because these sources are always present and full of wisdom; I just don't typically take time to be still and listen.  Yes, there is a fine line and a balance that is necessary between being busy and being human.  The former focuses on a checklist (that's me), fulfills expectations of society and other people (people-pleaser, also me), and measures worth by worldly standards i.e. social media popularity, bank account balance, or opinions of people who are not also working towards Heaven.  The latter is simple but hard:  living as though this life is temporary.

I admit, it can be much easier, not to mention less overwhelming, to deal with checklists rather than eternity.  Also, there are realities with which we must deal in this life - earning a living to provide for basic needs, raising children, being good stewards of our gifts and resources, etc. I find that I can immediately improve my perspective AND check my busy/human factor by asking one question. In the words of Matthew Kelly, "God, what do You think I should do?"  That act of inclusion moves me firmly from the "busy" category and puts me back in the "human" category.  By recognizing that without God, I am nothing, I also relinquish the need to control (usually only on a temporary basis, unfortunately).  I can take the 'pulse' of my activities by reflecting if I have stopped to 'check-in' with God.  When I haven't, my stress levels are increasing, my anxiety and control-mongering rises, and despair and hopelessness can creep into my thoughts.  On the other hand, when I have an idea or action that I take to God, I usually find some peace in the act.  Either it becomes clear that it is good and I can proceed, or the underlying motives become apparent and I re-think my motivation and, ultimately, my desired goal.  I do not practice this with regularity, but I am working on that!

"Entrust your works to the Lord, and your plans will succeed."  ~Proverbs 16:3

In the end, I find that life is a matter of progress.  We are each moving in a direction, and we have a choice over certain aspects of our journey.  Right now, my mind is intrigued by behavior modification because I want to achieve several things.  However, if these goals/projects/plans are not in God's plan for my life, it will be an up-hill battle.  And, even if they are pieces of the plan, I will likely still struggle against my fallen nature that resists change, deprivation, and effort.  Thankfully, I am the daughter of a gracious and loving God who loves me beyond my wildest imaginings.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11

The more I make time to communicate with God, the more I am in-tune to the plans for my life.  It becomes easier to gauge if my inclinations are on track or if they are a wild goose chase that will get me nowhere.  I continually remind myself of my ultimate goal, and even though I fail and get distracted, I can return to God every time.  Do not fear.  God desires more for us than we even dream of for ourselves.

"Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart's desire." ~Psalm 37:4 

The trick, in my opinion, is to work on our behavior so we are pleasing to God.  For in aligning ourselves with God, we will receive more than mere words can express.  We will receive our heart's desire, love itself:  Jesus Christ.

Prayer:  O Jesus, I desire You to enter into my life fully, so that every moment of every day I am living in and with You.  Help me focus on You, and through Your eyes may I see a renewed vision of my life's purpose.  I humbly request this through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Amen.