Today is my parents' 54th wedding anniversary. Wow. Does that happen anymore these days? Should it? That could be a whole other topic of conversation. Anyway, re-reading some of my previous journaling, I came across a section I wrote when I was frustrated over a guy and the situation we were in (or not in . . . depending on your point of view!). Here it is - from November 2005:
In my life, almost any girl I’ve talked to has had some type of plan for their wedding. I think I may have been the only exception. I have a friend who always talks about WHEN she gets married or WHEN we all have kids. I’m kinda like, how do you know that will happen? What guarantee are you subscribing to? There’s nothing to say, yes, you will have kids, you will get married, etc. Plus, in any of the books I’ve read over the past few years, thinking that way is not conducive to fully living in the here and now. How can you live in the present if you are constantly planning for or thinking about the future? So I’ve always been frustrated when people make those assumptions. Althought maybe I’m just being hypocritical, because I had/have all those crushes just the same. But I do not have any wedding plans or expectations. If it is supposed to happen, then I intend to share it with my fiancé. More and more, however, I do find myself open to the thought of children. Not that I’ve ever been against them. I love kids. All of my brothers and sisters have kids, and I love being an aunt. I really get to have a great relationship with them, and it’s neat. I’ve always enjoyed kids, but I’ve never felt the audacity to plan on having some of my own. But more and more, I find that I would like to raise children to ensure that they grow in the Catholic tradition that I love, and to help them become socially conscious, active citizens who love God. I guess I could also just become a teacher! I’ve also found myself dwelling more on a relationship between a husband and wife. I’m not referring to intimacy necessarily, but the reality of living the day-to-day life with someone. Someone who promises to be there always, no matter what. Who will take you on the good AND bad days. It may seem rather unromantic, but I see love as a choice. Yes, there has to be a spark, some attraction. But the commitment required to make a marriage work has more to do with the choice than with spark. I sometimes muse that I hope God is very clear if I am to be married, because a) I want to know when to make the choice, and b) if I see it as a choice I can make, and it obviously could be made and I’d want to be sure because c) once I decided, that’s it. I hope that doesn’t mean that the wrong someone could make me choose that way! But when I stopped to think about elaborate weddings and rehearsals and everything involved, it all comes down to 2 people making promises. And they have to believe that the other one means it. There’s no enforcer behind the scenes, there’s no guarantee. It’s just your word. That really made me think. This isn’t something I’m considering lightly, obviously. (and perhaps now, a little obsessively). I hope that made some sense. And of course, God has to be a major part of it. 3 are involved, not just 2.
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