Great Quote!

I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly my Lord was speaking: "My name is I AM."

He paused.
I waited.
He continued.
"When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WAS.

When you live in the future with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WILL.

When you live in this moment it is not hard. I am here. My name is I AM."

-Helen Mallicoat

Ash Wednesday 2010

Today was a great day. I didn't eat between meals, I abstained from meat, I read my prayer books when I got up, I spent a lot less time on the computer, I prayed the rosary, I did chores around the house, and I went to church twice. I know - you're thinking, 'How is that a good day?' It just was. I'm guessing (prepare for sarcasm) that my God-focus helped.

Duh!

What, you might ask, is God-focus? Well, it occurred to me, that usually people say, "I spent time with God," or "I visited church and said a prayer." Both are good practices, but you get an entirely different meaning if you change the grammatical layout. Now - "My time is/was God's," or "I stopped what I was doing to visit with God" puts the emphasis and priority where it really belongs. God is with us 24/7 - there's no avoiding God! Therefore, 'spending time with God' sounds like a practice of us fitting God into our schedules, instead of acknowledging that we are created by God and for God's purpose. God is always present, whether we choose to notice or not. Thus, all we have (including our precious time), is a gift from God, not something we can earn or even deserve. 'Making a visit' goes from an attempt to keep God in a neat box (called a church) that we can conveniently visit when we have time, to us using each task, job, frustration, joy, suffering, and happiness as an opportunity to remind ourselves of our Creator who loves us more than we could ever know.

The other thing I realized about today: all of those good and productive things that I accomplished today are things that on most other days I fail at, especially if I'm faced with any obstacle or diversion (even of my own creation!). So why was I successful today? This time I wasn't doing it for my own desires, nor was I doing it alone. I had a greater purpose and goal, which I was able to achieve through God's grace. It may not sound like an amazing discovery, but for today, it was another piece of God's puzzle in my life that I pieced together and went 'A-ha!' I have no doubt that I will forget what I've learned, and yet again try the hard way. Luckily, I know God is a forgiving and loving God who wants me to succeed, even if I prove to be a very slow learner.

Importance of Self

I am important.  It is okay to remind ourselves of that occasionally.  I don't recommend reciting it as a mantra or conversation starter, lest you overestimate your self-worth and bruise your pride.  But it is a pertinent reminder, especially timely when life gets messy.  And I don't know about you, but life seems to do that a lot.  Be messy. Complicated.  Crazy.  Also known as life.  Some days, it would be so much easier to turn off the cell phone, close out the world, and pretend that you are in control.  And as a temporary refuge, it works.  But that may be the best time to remember your importance.  Because, not only does your hiatus affect your view of the world (oftentimes jaded as seen from a distance), it also affects those around you.  Not sure why, but I seem to find it easier to do things for other people than for myself.  So, it is better for me to recognize the negative impact my actions have towards others, because I am more likely to rectify the situation.  So before barricading the door and turning up the music, stop to think - who am I shutting out?  And on any other day, would I want to do that?  If, as I suspect, the answer is no, take a few minutes and remind yourself - I am important.  Important enough to matter to someone else.  That makes it a good day, in my book.  So, if for no other reason, make a choice to participate in life today on whatever level you can, knowing that you play a significant role in someone's life, whether you realize it or not.  And don't forget to thank the people in your life for giving you those reasons to stay connected.  It is one more reminder that we are not meant to exclude others from our lives.      

Decisions

We are constantly making decisions in our lives, for our lives, and about our lives.  Every day we decide to get up, and when, to eat, or not, what to wear, how to look, what to say, how to act, and much, much more.  Those are what I would term the 'obvious' decisions in our lives.  But occasionally we are faced with the 'tougher' choices in life.  Do I buy a house, should I take that job, can we start a family, etc. etc. etc.  Now we're getting into the bigger things, those potentially life-changing events.  And while I personally prefer things in black and white so I can carefully analyze the situation and choose the correct course of action, I'm beginning to think that there is no 'right or wrong' when it comes to life decisions.  Okay, if you don't prayerfully consider your options, and you act in a way that is contrary to God's plan, I suppose it might be a harder swim up the stream.  But, for better or worse, some of the big decisions in life don't come with a neon sign to help you choose, nor do they offer a guarantee of happiness.  It is not a matter of picking one so everything will be fine.  I believe that either direction will move you, it's more a matter of which direction you want to go.  I know, that's a pretty vague response.  But perhaps it isn't just about the the path that you take on your journey, but rather the destination that you reach.  And we all know there are many ways to get to point A from point B.  Obviously, the shortest distance is a straight line.  But walking that straight line is like walking a tightrope - not many people are successful at it on the first try.  For me, my path tends to curve, maybe goes up a hill or down a valley.  Sometimes I think it is blocked by boulders, but that's just because I forget to follow the signs.  I don't know that I'll ever walk a path using the easiest route, but that is part of my journey.  I am where I am because of what I've gone through to get here.  I try to remember that when presented with a question mark, I can only base my decision on the information I have at that moment in time.  No option to peek into a crystal ball or use that 20/20 hindsight.  I know one of my challenges when faced with a big decision is that choosing one option eliminates another.  So instead of seeing it as positive movement, I see it as a limitation.  A simplistic example - choosing to read a book means I removed the option of watching a movie instead.  Of course, I tend to forget that I could always watch the movie AFTER reading the book, or if I'm really up for a challenge, while I'm reading the book.  I have to remember that just because I chose option A, I could always choose option B next.  Yes, I know that the circumstances will never be the same, but life is made up of moments of time, and time keeps moving whether we choose to or not.  Even if I move in one direction and decide later that it was wrong, at least I moved.  Any movement is better than no movement at all.  And there comes a point when it's just time - I've prayed, I've worried, I've pondered my options and analyzed them to death.  All that is left is to act!

It's Not Easy

Why does 'doing the right thing' have to be hard?  Why can't it be easy?  I really wanted to be mad at someone today.  I wanted to ignore them, and respond with curt answers to their questions, and let them know that I was not happy with them.  Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on my mood), a little voice kept reminding me that I had to treat that person with respect, even if I was angry with them.  I guess that's the catch when you develop a good conscience - you can't turn it off!  It seems like life is going good, and then one day we get blindsided by something.  It doesn't even have to be something major; sometimes a little quirk or comment can do the trick.  From there, something else gets added to our plate, we learn about a deadline we have to quickly meet, and pretty soon we're overwhelmed, frustrated, and ready to pick a fight with anyone.  And yes, it's okay to feel those things, but it's not okay to lash out or be unreasonable.  And, for me, being angry and being reasonable don't ever walk hand in hand.  In the heat of the moment, I want to plot my strategy and plan my revenge.  It feels satisfying to have an outlet for the emotions brewing inside.  But, if I am lucky enough to listen, my conscience nudges me, making me remember that I did offer today up to God.  I get something like an elbow to the ribs, reminding me that I can't preach about goodness and love if I don't practice them, and that RIGHT NOW is a great time to start.  Once I wrap my mind around that, it's hard to hold onto my anger.  At that point it would be easy to berate myself and wonder if I will ever learn how to control my thoughts and actions, seeing how easy it was to get off track.  But I realize that recognizing my errors and working to correct them is pleasing to God.  Humans are not perfect (regardless of what I claim to the contrary), and why would we want to be?  Perfection is monotonous.  It might be exciting for a while, but without the peaks and valleys, it is flat and lifeless.  There is no potential.  In our lives, with all of our faults and weaknesses and gifts and talents the possibilities are endless.  And it is in those valleys that we can learn the biggest lessons and grow the most.  We also know that it can be a painful process, but ultimately it is worth the price.  So the next time I am faced with a difficult situation, I hope that I hear my conscience lecturing me to do the right thing, particularly when I don't want to, and that I do it, remembering that my effort to overcome is just as pleasing to God as the outcome.