Giving thanks

“In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Happy Thanksgiving!

This Bible verse seems extremely appropriate today, but at Mass this morning, we were challenged to pay attention to the second word:  all. In all circumstances, not just the ones we like or the times we are happy or when we feel moved to do so.  Even (and perhaps especially) when we’re frustrated, hurting, angry, sad and just don’t want to!  

God is all-powerful and all-good, meaning that nothing that happened in our lives is beyond God’s control. However, because God is all-knowing, He may permit something hard or painful or tragic in our lives that He can ultimately work for our eternal good. Because as a good father, He desires our well-being and ultimate happiness, which is only found with Him for eternity.

The challenge (or opportunity) today, and every day, is to give thanks at ALL times; the good, the bad, the ugly, the joyful, the ordinary. Always.

Limiting God

Limiting God - that sounds like it should be the title of a Science Fiction horror; God is limitless!!!  But yet, all to often we do exactly that.  

It sounds absurd, I know!  

How can we, mere humans, begin to contain the Creator of the Universe?

There are more examples of this than you might care to admit.  In today's Gospel, (Mark 6:1-6) Jesus was limited when he began to teach in the synagogue.  This was the same person who, just when he returned to Nazareth, had been welcomed and greeted and received by family, friends and neighbors.  Yet when he spoke the Truth through the Scriptures, their minds and hearts limited what they were willing to receive.  They couldn't get past what they thought they knew, and thus, no mighty deeds were done by Jesus in Nazareth.  How sad is that?!

Waiting

Wait for the Lord, take courage; be stouthearted, wait for the Lord! ~Psalm 27:14

I love to wait . . . . [said no one, ever]!

Umm, no thank you.

While there are different levels of waiting i.e. waiting for results from a medical test, waiting for news of a baby's birth, waiting for a family celebration, it can be hard to have joy when the waiting feels prolonged or without fruit.  I'm not referring to waiting for a pizza delivery or for the book you've been dying to read, either!  This is the waiting that involves soul-searching and trust in God.

How are you?

Recently, someone asked me how I was.  Before I could even think, I automatically replied, "Fine."  I paused for a nano-second, and then clarified.  "Actually, I'm stressed out about xyz, but everything else is fine."  I'm not exactly sure what compelled my revision of the socially expected response.  We are seemingly programmed to respond, "Fine," whether it is true or not.  Maybe because we don't want to reveal problems and insecurities, or maybe because the person asking isn't interested in an answer with more than one syllable.  It is interesting to ponder.

How are you?

Fine.  

The Puzzle of Life

 I cam across this quote recently, and it really resonated with me.  

If you can trust a puzzle company to make sure every piece is in the box to complete the puzzle, then why can't you trust God that every piece of your life is there for a reason?

I love puzzles, whether jigsaw or not.  I like the challenge of taking a bunch of seemingly random pieces and seeing them take shape.  I enjoy the thrill of putting in the final piece, or the joy of finally finding the right place for that stubborn piece that looked like it was in the wrong puzzle box!  I've frantically searched for missing pieces that seemingly vanished and leave the puzzle unfinished (maybe they went to the place that missing socks live?!).  I've placed pieces where I thought they fit, then discovered the piece that truly fits and had to change what I thought was complete.

What an amazing analogy for life!!!!!

With Lifted Hands

I'm a big fan of to-do lists.  I like LOVE the satisfaction of crossing something off or completing it and moving on to the next item.  While I may have way too many lists, they help motivate me, keep me accountable, and not forget something in the busy-ness of life.  In other words, they give me a sense of control.  And, if I'm honest, my to-do list is one of the few things in my life which I can control.  Whether it's big things or small, there's a lot that just is what it is, and we have to deal with the good, bad and ugly every day.  

But today, I had an insight about my relationship with God and my attempts to control that as well!  Thankfully, I don't have to achieve a certain status or perfection in my life to be in a relationship with God, but I do like to bring my lists to God.  That's not a bad thing at all, but I tend to present them in the following mindset, "Okay God, here's where I'm struggling, and this is the healing I'm praying for, and I'm lifting up XYZ."  Sounds a lot like my to-do lists.  But prayer, and especially a relationship with God, is not lived out in a checklist of to-dos.  Moving through my prayer requests doesn't get me to the next level or earn me a gold star.  When I think I'm being efficient and organized, I'm actually missing the bigger picture.  My relationship with God is not lineal, nor are his graces and blessings and answered prayers.  Yet I get stuck on a situation or I continue pounding on a closed door because I've limited how I want to receive God's answer.  

Did I miss the apocalypse?

Once again, I'm drawn back to reflect on life, especially in our current setting.  This extreme change in our social behavior feels unreal, as if I woke up in totally different world than the one before.  I didn't realize just how many things I've taken for granted, both big and small.  And maybe even more telling are the things that are no longer available that I didn't value when they were.

It's tempting to panic.  It's tempting to deny.  It's tempting to complain and moan and despair.  But I choose something more.  Something better.  I choose hope.  Because, let's face it, who likes to talk to a pessimist?  So why would I want to live that way?

The lost is found

"Pray to St. Anthony," I assert.  "He knows where it is."

I regularly call on St. Anthony for help.  You might say I have him on speed prayer :-)  I used to think that it was rude to 'bother' St. Anthony for inconsequential things.  Just because I can't find my 3-hole punch, doesn't mean I need to inconvenience anyone, especially not a saint! 

Now, I view my frequent requests as part of my relationship to the saints.  The more I converse with them (please note, this is not to be confused with talking to myself!), the more I am in tune with them.  Just like a close friend, the more we talk, the stronger our relationship becomes.  We begin to emulate each other (which is why you need to pick good friends!).  Who would be a better friend and model than a saint?! 

I admit that in the beginning, my requests really felt superstitious.  Like knocking on wood to prevent something from happening (I mean, really?!).  But the more I converse with St. Anthony and the saints, the more I am open to grace, such as patience.  It's frustrating when you can't find something you need, but I trust in God's timing.  And just like talking to a friend about a complicated situation, you feel better for sharing the burden, even if nothing has changed.  Now, when I pray to St. Anthony, I trust that he knows what I need, even if it's not what I ask and especially when it's not in the time frame I want.

Try it sometime, and then try it again.  And again.  And again.  Do you see a pattern here? :-)  With time, it will feel less 'fake' and more peaceful.  There is such a freedom in knowing that St. Anthony knows where the item is.  I don't get all worked up (most of the time) because the item is known to St. Anthony, and just like I trust my friends to help me out when they can, I trust him.

A Return to the Ordinary

I've been pondering lately what it means to live the liturgical season.  I've found some amazing
resources, inspirations, and overall felt a greater awareness of the importance and wisdom in the seasons in our church.  I'm usually one who drags my feet when it comes to putting away decorations and taking down my Christmas tree.  I absolutely love the glow of Christmas lights, especially when entering an otherwise dark house.  It's inviting and warm and evokes feelings of happiness and joy.  That's not to say that there is any magic that emanates from these bright globes, they will glow whether I've had a good or bad day, whether it snowed one inch or ten.  But like Pavlov's dog, I seem to have conditioned myself to find, see and welcome joy into my life more quickly when the tree is lit.  I also love the parallel that as we approach the shortest day of the year, we enjoy our lights while we crave and seek the true Light - Jesus Christ.

Christ Be Our Light

Advent is upon us, and we have less than one week before Christmas!  While I'm spiritually preparing for Christmas, my social obligations and gifts are a different story.  I don't feel prepared.  I don't have cards written; my decorations are missing - you might wonder why I've embraced the minimalist approach to Christmas decor and not my desk!  On one hand, I'm not interested in skipping over Advent just because it's socially acceptable to do.  This really awesome video does an excellent summary of Advent.

My favorite part?

Behavior Modification

A snapshot into my life right now would reveal that I am doing the following (among other things):

• Learning Spanish
• Attending Financial Peace University
• Reading Perfectly Yourself 
• Studying Resisting Happiness in a small group
• Singing with 20 ladies
• Working a second job
• Keeping a holy hour at church

These activities are different and varied, but they all have 2 things in common.  They take time, and they require a change in my behavior.  Behavior modification.  That sounds painful, doesn't it?  When I hear those words, I picture an iron gate clanging shut, as if I were locked up or imprisoned.  It can evoke images of difficulty or rigidity. But if I want to participate in and succeed at these activities, I must embrace (or at least work on) behavior modification.  For instance:

• I must do my homework, rather than watch TV.
• I need to create and follow a budget, rather than wonder where my money goes.
• I have to make time to read the books that will make me a better person and help me achieve my goal of Heaven.  This also means taking time to reflect and be silent.
• I have to commit to practicing and being present at rehearsals and performances.
• I will be consistent in responding to the duties of my job, instead of waiting until the last minute and hoping things get done.
• I desire to improve my prayer life and act counter-culturally, spending time in prayer and listening to God.  

All of these actions take time and require me to do more (sometimes much more) than the minimum.  I admit, it's a lot easier to come home, plop in front of the TV (or Amazon Prime, in my case), and browse the internet or waste time on electronic devices while mindlessly snacking.  An occasional 'veg-out' time is acceptable, but a regular routine such as this leads to dissatisfaction, apathy and stagnation.   

Roma - Day 1

Monday, March 19, 2018 - continued - Rome

We started right away with our first stop, one of the 4 major bascilicas in Rome:  Basilica San Paolo or the Bascilica of St. Paul Outside the Walls.  I had forgotten some of the details and learned a few more.  For example, there are images of every Pope along the top of the ceiling.  It was very powerful to realize how many successors to St. Peter there have been.  There is a special area to pray in front of the tomb of St. Paul, and we happened to be there when a cardinal was celebrating Mass, so we heard beautiful music from a choir as we prayed. 

This was also where we were able to celebrate Mass in a side chapel.  Due to construction and/or other  groups, we used the altar in the baptistery of the church for our Mass.  It was an incredibly intimate space and it was powerful to contemplate the beginning of our pilgrimage on the Feast of St. Joseph.  The reflection for the day in our prayer booklets reminded us that St. Joseph is a great example of submission to the Will of God.  St. Joseph had a plan to wed Mary, but after she was pregnant, his plans changed as he intended to separate from her, though doing it quietly.  God took  St. Joseph's plans and revealed an even greater plan for his life - foster-father to the Son of God.  We can learn from St. Joseph how to submit ourselves to God's Will, which goes beyond our wildest imaginings.

After that, we bussed to our hotel, checked in and started exploring Rome.  Grabbed some pizza (potato pizza is a new one for me!) and did some shopping.  Then we trekked to St. Philip Neri (Santa Maria or Chiesa Nuova) and St. Ignatius of Loyla (Santa Ignazio) Churches.  Both churches are incredibly beautiful with lots of decoration, side altars, and amazing art.  

We walked back to our hotel, across the Tiber River, past the Castel San Angelo, through St. Peter's Square.  Dinner was a wonderful affair with several delicious courses and lots of laughs.  The foccacia was especially delicious :-).  Delirium began to set in (at least for me) and it was back to the hotel, shower and bed.  What a day!

More pictures will be added after they have been somewhat curated!

Another adventure

**Date discrepancy explanation below.

Sunday, March 18, 2018 - Omaha, Chicago, Philadelphia

It's the fifth Sunday of Lent.  We are entering the final stretch, the downhill slope, the end game . . . you get the picture.  Maybe your Lent has been a wonderful experience, or perhaps it's been less than stellar.  Either way, it's not too late to end well.

For me, I get a major boost in the form of a pilgrimage to Rome.  I am grateful that I have the opportunity to return to such a wonderful place, especially during Lent.

Whether you will spend this week at home or abroad, make a choice to live intentionally and finish the race.

"I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith."  ~2 Timothy 4:7

**this was originally created on March 18, 2018, but wi-fi issues prevented me from uploading in a timely fashion.

So, Sunday was basically a long day in the airport or in a plane.  3 legs later . . . 

Monday, March 19, 2018 - Rome

Wow - I don't remember my previous international flights being so sleepless.  We flew out of Philadelphia around 6:30 p.m. Sunday evening, and arrived in Rome around 7:30 a.m. Monday morning.  No, the flight wasn't 11 hours, but with the time change, we start our day feeling 6 hours behind.  So, we arrived with the mindset of beginning our first, very full, day in Rome, yet our bodies were still craving sleep since it was only about 2 a.m.  Sunshine is our friend, except it was in short supply when we arrived.  Rain, rain, rain.  And when it rains in Rome, things get a little crazy, especially traffic.  No big deal - we arrived with no issues, luggage in hand, and we were ready for the adventure.

You might be wondering who all journeyed on this pilgrimage; it was a collaboration between UNK & UNO Newman Centers for a pilgrimage over spring break.  I was lucky enough to tag along!  We had 2 priests and 16 pilgrims.  

The arrival process was similar to my previous trip, but it was interesting to recognize a few changes or modifications.  My last trip we took the train from the airport; this time we were driven in on a bus.  Again, it was awesome to just sit and enjoy the scenery; after all, we were in Rome!!!

Chasing joy

Daylight Savings Time- my favorite time of year (major sarcasm).  Losing an hour of sleep is not on my list of good ideas.  I have enough struggles with distractions and temptations on my own; I do not need an outside source robbing my of my sleep!

Pardon my mini-tantrum, I'm short on sleep . . . ha ha.

They can take away my sleep, but I shouldn't also give away my joy.

Love in Action

There are moments in time, when we get a glimpse of love in action.  God grants us the gift of seeing through His eyes and we connect to another in ways we can't explain.  In today's world, with the pressures and expectations of perfection, busy-ness, and keeping up with unrealistic images, we can miss the simple beauty that exists in the soul of another.  The times when we do pause long enough to notice these gifts are grace-filled.

I think, too often, we discount our own good-ness.  Not in a prideful way, but as a genuine human, reaching out to another human, supporting each other.  So many times we fall into the trap of 'not-enough,' as in I'm not good enough, smart enough, organized enough, involved enough, generous enough, etc. that we miss the opportunity to feed another's soul.  Just the other day, someone commented to me that they 'knew' me:  that I was spiritual, a musician, prayerful.  While I appreciate the persona I apparently exude, this is't the whole story.  Even if I appear to be those things, most of the time I don't feel I am those things, or at least, not as well as I could be.  You see, even if I strive to be those things (and I do) and I desire to live that way (and I try), I will probably never say that about myself.  I'm not saying that I'm modest or humble, rather, it's hard to claim my royalty as a daughter of the King when I never measure up in my own head.  

A New Normal - A New Lent

Three days before Ash Wednesday 2017, there was a change that happened. It came without fanfare, without pomp and circumstance.  It would forever impact my life, my family, and my heart, but it was disguised as ordinary life.  On that day, February 26, 2017, Mom was admitted to the hospital, never to return home.  While this moment was unexpected and alarming, I did not anticipate the path we were on, and where it would lead.  Life became Lent, and Lent became my life, although I wouldn't truly recognize this until much later.    

A New Normal - A New Year

2017 began like any other year.  I expected good things.  Dad would turn 90 in January, Mom would turn 85 in June, and they would celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary in October.  A year to remember!

There was no herald, announcing that this year would be difficult and painful. 

There was no fanfare, suggesting there would be a final family gathering.

In reality, it was just another year.  In reality, it was . . .  life.

January 8, 2017, we celebrated Dad's 90th birthday.  Friends and family gathered together.  It was the party he requested, with plenty of food and lots of smiles and laughter.  We did group pictures, sibling pictures and more.  

There was love and laughter.

There was happiness and smiles.

I'm happy to say that had we known then, what was coming, I don't think much would have changed. 

A New Normal - 200 Days

200 days.  An eternity or a moment?  I guess it comes down to perspective.

• 66 days to create a habit 
• 100 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of a grapefruit
• 107 working days (on average) are required to pay your income tax each year (29% of income)
• 120 days to train for a marathon
• 200 days into a pregnancy means your baby is the size of an eggplant
• 200 days is over 1/2 of a year, or 6.575 months, or 28.5 weeks, or 4800 hours

October 28 marks 200 days of my new normal.  It seems a moment AND an eternity.  I thought the 100 day mark (July 21) would feel momentous, or maybe sad. The reality was, it was just another day in my new normal,  a typical day.  Today feels a bit more . . . something. I haven't pinpointed my exact emotions as I think it will be better not to dissect it, but rather to simply live it.

Today is extra special because I was sent a note that my mom wrote, something she copied from one of her favorite inspirational writers, Helen Steiner Rice. Opening that card today, and seeing her handwriting made the sentiment even more impactful.

The Light of Faith 

No matter how small

The light of faith

To God it's like a flame

For if you can pray

You'll find there's a way, 

You need only whisper His name. 

No matter how small

Faith's candle burns, 

It's glow cannot deceive 

For the smallest of light

Will burn the most bright

When it's shining because you believe. 

And all the people said "Amen"

Fr. Harry Kurtenbach is now preaching in Heaven, but, boy, we are going to miss him here.

During my college years, I had the privilege of experiencing Mass with Fr. Harry, and I do mean experience. A quiet,  shy person, such as myself, was taken aback when,  during a homily,  Fr. Harry encouraged congregation participation by his trademark "Amen?" which demanded an answering (and enthusiastic ) "Amen" in response. And if the congregation "Amen" wasn't to Fr. Harry's standards, we had to try again.  People quickly realized that it was better for all involved if we immediately chanted a loud, resolute response the first time!  And thus, my world was impacted by Fr. Harry.  I was drawn in by his passion for and genuine love of Jesus Christ. I think it was the first time I connected heartfelt emotion with my faith.  Little did I know that this was just the beginning.

I am sad to have lost such a great man, but I can just imagine the chorus of wildly enthusiastic "Amen's" in eternity.  Now Fr. Harry is really 'preaching to the choir'!

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord,  and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace. Amen.

And from now on, when I hear Matt Maher's song, I will smile and think of Fr. Harry.

http://www.curranfuneralchapel.com/obituary/rev-harold-kurtenbach

A New Normal - one day at a time

Today is Mom's birthday.  She would have been 85.  I'm not sure whether this day will be a day of sadness or a day of grace.  Probably both.  Part of me wants to celebrate her life, and the other part wants June 26 to start immediately.  I guess I'm a little gun-shy after the experience of Mother's Day.


Mother's Day.


Who knew such a beautiful holiday could magnify my grief?