Remember

December 15, 1990.

The day Donny died.

It was one of my first experiences with the sudden loss of someone close to me.  We were neighbors and friends.  We rode the same bus, and played together at each other's homes.  I was devastated by the sense of loss and the sheer emotion that poured out of me.  

That particular grief has lessened over the years.  Time softens the sadness, while still allowing the memories to remain.  I don't remember when I stopped asking why it happened.  I don't think any answer will suffice this side of Heaven.  Yet I can look back now and instead of wonder what might have been, I can appreciate what was.  My reminiscing isn't motivated by regret, rather, it is a strong reminder that even after so many years, my memories can be a gift.  

As I have more recently experienced the death of my niece, I know that it is a gift to have others share their memories of her.  This sharing can lessen the sting of the loss because it unites those left behind. These shared experiences are a gift given to those who grieve.  To me, it says that you recognize my loss, my suffering, and my sadness.  You give me the gift of remembering.  It doesn't really matter if you knew her or not, because when you honor her memory, you honor me.  

Looking back

This time last year I was preparing for a trip of a lifetime - a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  How do you top that?  Looking back on this year it's been amazing and ordinary, challenging and blah.  Apparently I don't do the middle ground.  So my prayer this Advent is for a continued awakening.  One day, one person, one moment at a time.  Join me, won't you?

". . . Therefore, it says:  'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'"  ~Ephesians 5:14

Year of Mercy

I have great hopes for this next year. I anticipate a year of hope, love, and mercy. I suppose this should be my expectation most days, but life tends to distract me and make it easy to forget the positives. December 8 is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, and this year it also marks the beginning of the Jubilee of Mercy. Visit the official website to learn more. So, as we embark on this Year of Mercy, consider what mercy can do for you. 

"And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”"

~Luke 1:46-55

What now?

I've been neglecting my writing again, and I only have myself to blame.  It's easy to live with distractions that keep us from what we truly desire.  Add to that the overwhelming evil in our world, and things feel a bit chaotic.  Same-sex marriage, selling aborted babies, shootings, sex trafficking; how do we understand our world?  Where do we begin?  Our actions are under even more scrutiny, as anything we say or do, online or off, can be taken, twisted, and used out of context.  It's enough to make a person want to run for a nice cave, far from civilization!  With all of these thoughts in my head, it's no wonder that I'm feeling bit lost.  

So, what do I know?  I know that God is faithful, even and especially when the world is not.  I know that this life is temporary, and a better one is waiting in eternity.  I find Paul's prayer for the Ephesians in Chapter 3 offers comfort:

"14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[h] in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  20 Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."  ~Ephesians 3:14-21 (NABRE)

So, in the midst of my confusion, I try to hold to that promise:  to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that I might be filled with all the fullness of God.  Eternal One, Ancient and Wise, I thank You for Your gift of love, given extravagantly to us.  Help me to live that love in Your fullness, according to Your plan.    

Thankful Thursday 5/28/15 - Giving Thanks

Okay, I'm a few days off, but it was a short week and I got my days messed up.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it :-)  I wanted to post a quick update on my great-nephew.  He is doing very well.  Scans are showing positive results, and each day seems to bring more good news.  Thank you for your love and prayers.  I was discussing this in my prayer group earlier this week, and trying to identify my deepest feelings.  I know life is short, and generally shorter than we anticipate.  Carter's story could have gone much differently.  I wrestled with my feelings; would I still be praising God if it had been bad news, instead of good?  God is able to handle all of my messy emotion and irrational behavior, thank goodness.  But would I have trusted Him if 'my' prayers weren't answered?  Sometimes we don't know the answer to those questions until we are in that situation.  I'd like to think that at some point I would conclude that I trust God, in the good and in the bad.  In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on God, knowing that terrible things can be used for good.  It's like spiritual exercise - just as an athlete trains for their next event, I want to prepare my soul for the challenges coming.  Death, loss, destruction, evil.  They are part of our fallen world.  Yet we know:

"In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world."  ~John 16:33b

Prayer - Lord, Your love of us is beyond comprehension.  You feel our hurt, pain, and confusion as we struggle in this world.  Help us to cling to You, secure in the knowledge that whatever befalls us, You are present.  May we bless You always.

Precious Time

It's been a strange month for me.  I haven't written much here, and I've tried to avoid thinking about why.  I have so many thoughts and inspirations, but I haven't given them or myself an outlet.  I think I was frustrated with God, and was using passive-agressive behavior to retaliate.  The childish attitude that 'I'm going to purposefully snub this gift, or something.'  Obviously, not much logic involved.  It became easier to ignore the desire to write than to do something about it.  Given enough time, I could have pretended it didn't matter if I never continued.  But that's not true.  Because by not writing, I'm not being honest with myself or to God.  Granted, God already knows all that there is to know, and loves me anyway.  But I still like to pretend that if I don't tell God, He doesn't know :-)

Happy Birthday

22.  We would be celebrating your 22nd birthday.  It's a bittersweet time.  The sadness is still there, some days more than others.  It's almost funny how you can randomly come to mind.  I guess that's one way to get me to say a prayer :)  Seeing any redheaded is guaranteed to remind me of you.  But there are other things.  Good drumming.  An irrepressible spirit.  Memories.  Yet, the part that continues to give me the most comfort can be found at Mass.  

There are 2 times when you especially come to mind:  during the Nicene Creed and during the Preface.  When we recite, ". . . and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead."  I think of you.  For that will be a time of rejoicing, when we are reunited.  And again, during the Preface, when the priest speaks of the choirs of angels joining with our song of "Holy".  Heaven and earth are united, and we are as close as we can be.  

You are always present to me, and I love you so dearly.  I thank God for the gift of your life and my small part in it.  Until we are on the same side of eternity, I will keep praying for you.  Please do the same for me.

2nd Sunday of Easter or Divine Mercy Sunday 2015

What a glorious day!  The signs of spring are out, the earth is waking up, and life is beautiful.  Yet, there is something even more perfect than these lovely gifts of nature.  God's mercy.  Today is Divine Mercy Sunday, which highlights this amazing gift.  What a fitting complement to Easter and this octave of Easter.




What is mercy?  Dictionary.com gives the following definitions:

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 9

Ninth Day 
"Today bring to Me the Souls who have become Lukewarm,

and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. These souls wound My Heart most painfully. My soul suffered the most dreadful loathing in the Garden of Olives because of lukewarm souls. They were the reason I cried out: 'Father, take this cup away from Me, if it be Your will.' For them, the last hope of salvation is to run to My mercy." 

Most compassionate Jesus, You are Compassion Itself. I bring lukewarm souls into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart. In this fire of Your pure love, let these tepid souls who, like corpses, filled You with such deep loathing, be once again set aflame. O Most Compassionate Jesus, exercise the omnipotence of Your mercy and draw them into the very ardor of Your love, and bestow upon them the gift of holy love, for nothing is beyond Your power.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon lukewarm souls who are nonetheless enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. Father of Mercy, I beg You by the bitter Passion of Your Son and by His three-hour agony on the Cross: Let them, too, glorify the abyss of Your mercy. Amen. 

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1

Thankful Thursday - 4/9/15

Happy Easter!

No, I'm not confused on my days; we are celebrating the octave of Easter.  This means that we celebrate Easter for 8 days - Sunday to Sunday.  Then, we continue celebrating the Easter season for a total of 50 days.  As the most important Feast of our liturgical year, it makes sense to pull out all of the stops to celebrate :)  I was actually just reading about the octave of Easter in my Living Liturgy 2015 book:

"Eight is an important symbolic number.  The early Christians called Sunday the "eighth day."  Since our week has seven days, "eighth day" referred to a day beyond the human reckoning of time - beyond time, belonging to the end times.  Theologically, this refers to "eschatological" time when Jesus Christ will return in all his glory to gather everything back to God at the end and fullness of time.  Thus, the Easter octave means more than simply going from one Sunday to the next; it heightens our expectation that the risen Life we celebrate is the same Life that we will one day share with the Trinity in everlasting glory."

How cool is that?!?!?!

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 8

Eighth Day
"Today bring to Me the Souls who are in the prison of Purgatory,

and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. Let the torrents of My Blood cool down their scorching flames. All these souls are greatly loved by Me. They are making retribution to My justice. It is in your power to bring them relief. Draw all the indulgences from the treasury of My Church and offer them on their behalf. Oh, if you only knew the torments they suffer, you would continually offer for them the alms of the spirit and pay off their debt to My justice."   

Most Merciful Jesus, You Yourself have said that You desire mercy; so I bring into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls in Purgatory, souls who are very dear to You, and yet, who must make retribution to Your justice. May the streams of Blood and Water which gushed forth from Your Heart put out the flames of Purgatory, that there, too, the power of Your mercy may be celebrated.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls suffering in Purgatory, who are enfolded in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. I beg You, by the sorrowful Passion of Jesus Your Son, and by all the bitterness with which His most sacred Soul was flooded: Manifest Your mercy to the souls who are under Your just scrutiny. Look upon them in no other way but only through the Wounds of Jesus, Your dearly beloved Son; for we firmly believe that there is no limit to Your goodness and compassion. Amen.

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 7

Seventh Day
Today bring to Me the Souls who especially venerate and glorify My Mercy*,

and immerse them in My mercy. These souls sorrowed most over my Passion and entered most deeply into My spirit. They are living images of My Compassionate Heart. These souls will shine with a special brightness in the next life. Not one of them will go into the fire of hell. I shall particularly defend each one of them at the hour of death.

Most Merciful Jesus, whose Heart is Love Itself, receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who particularly extol and venerate the greatness of Your mercy. These souls are mighty with the very power of God Himself. In the midst of all afflictions and adversities they go forward, confident of Your mercy; and united to You, O Jesus, they carry all mankind on their shoulders. These souls will not be judged severely, but Your mercy will embrace them as they depart from this life.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls who glorify and venerate Your greatest attribute, that of Your fathomless mercy, and who are enclosed in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. These souls are a living Gospel; their hands are full of deeds of mercy, and their hearts, overflowing with joy, sing a canticle of mercy to You, O Most High! I beg You O God:

Show them Your mercy according to the hope and trust they have placed in You. Let there be accomplished in them the promise of Jesus, who said to them that during their life, but especially at the hour of death, the souls who will venerate this fathomless mercy of His, He, Himself, will defend as His glory. Amen.

*The text leads one to conclude that in the first prayer directed to Jesus, Who is the Redeemer, it is "victim" souls and contemplatives that are being prayed for; those persons, that is, that voluntarily offered themselves to God for the salvation of their neighbor (see Col 1:24; 2 Cor 4:12). This explains their close union with the Savior and the extraordinary efficacy that their invisible activity has for others. In the second prayer, directed to the Father from whom comes "every worthwhile gift and every genuine benefit,"we recommend the "active" souls, who promote devotion to The Divine Mercy and exercise with it all the other works that lend themselves to the spiritual and material uplifting of their brethren.

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1 

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 6

Sixth Day
Today bring to Me the Meek and Humble Souls and the Souls of  Little Children,

and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angels, who will keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence.    

Most Merciful Jesus, You yourself have said, "Learn from Me for I am meek and humble of heart." Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart all meek and humble souls and the souls of little children. These souls send all heaven into ecstasy and they are the heavenly Father's favorites. They are a sweet-smelling bouquet before the throne of God; God Himself takes delight in their fragrance. These souls have a permanent abode in Your Most Compassionate Heart, O Jesus, and they unceasingly sing out a hymn of love and mercy.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon meek souls, upon humble souls, and upon little children who are enfolded in the abode which is the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. These souls bear the closest resemblance to Your Son. Their fragrance rises from the earth and reaches Your very throne. Father of mercy and of all goodness, I beg You by the love You bear these souls and by the delight You take in them: Bless the whole world, that all souls together may sing out the praises of Your mercy for endless ages. Amen. 

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 5

Fifth Day
"Today bring to Me the Souls of those who have separated themselves from My Church*,

and immerse them in the ocean of My mercy. During My bitter Passion they tore at My Body and Heart, that is, My Church. As they return to unity with the Church My wounds heal and in this way they alleviate My Passion."  

Most Merciful Jesus, Goodness Itself, You do not refuse light to those who seek it of You. Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who have separated themselves from Your Church. Draw them by Your light into the unity of the Church, and do not let them escape from the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart; but bring it about that they, too, come to glorify the generosity of Your mercy.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls of those who have separated themselves from Your Son's Church, who have squandered Your blessings and misused Your graces by obstinately persisting in their errors. Do not look upon their errors, but upon the love of Your own Son and upon His bitter Passion, which He underwent for their sake, since they, too, are enclosed in His Most Compassionate Heart. Bring it about that they also may glorify Your great mercy for endless ages. Amen.

*Our Lord's original words here were "heretics and schismatics," since He spoke to Saint Faustina within the context of her times. As of the Second Vatican Council, Church authorities have seen fit not to use those designations in accordance with the explanation given in the Council's Decree on Ecumenism (n.3). Every pope since the Council has reaffirmed that usage. Saint Faustina herself, her heart always in harmony with the mind of the Church, most certainly would have agreed. When at one time, because of the decisions of her superiors and father confessor, she was not able to execute Our Lord's inspirations and orders, she declared: "I will follow Your will insofar as You will permit me to do so through Your representative. O my Jesus " I give priority to the voice of the Church over the voice with which You speak to me" (497). The Lord confirmed her action and praised her for it.

 https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 4

Fourth Day
"Today bring to Me those who do not believe in God and those who do not know Me, 

I was thinking also of them during My bitter Passion, and their future zeal comforted My Heart. Immerse them in the ocean of My mercy."  

Most compassionate Jesus, You are the Light of the whole world. Receive into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart the souls of those who do not believe in God and of those who as yet do not know You. Let the rays of Your grace enlighten them that they, too, together with us, may extol Your wonderful mercy; and do not let them escape from the abode which is Your Most Compassionate Heart.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the souls of those who do not believe in You, and of those who as yet do not know You, but who are enclosed in the Most Compassionate Heart of Jesus. Draw them to the light of the Gospel. These souls do not know what great happiness it is to love You. Grant that they, too, may extol the generosity of Your mercy for endless ages. Amen.

*Our Lord's original words here were "the pagans." Since the pontificate of Pope John XXIII, the Church has seen fit to replace this term with clearer and more appropriate terminology.

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 5 - Easter!

Continued from Part 4.  I know that the reading of the Passion ends with Jesus being laid in the tomb.  Thankfully, that is not where our salvation story ends.  Indeed, it is because of the suffering and death of Jesus that we can celebrate in Our Savior's Resurrection.  Yesterday, we experienced the silence of the tomb.  Today, we are called to celebrate in the Eternal Life of God.  Alleluia!  Alleluia!

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 4

First view of the dome of the Church of the

Holy Sepulchure

Continued from Part 3.

Calvary.  I don't know what I expected, exactly.  A desolate mountain or a lonely hill.  Something separated from reality, I guess.  The Church of the Holy Sepulchure contains both the locations of Jesus' death on the cross and His Resurrection.  I had not realized how closely situated these places really are.

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 3

Third Day

"Today bring to Me all Devout and Faithful Souls,

and immerse them in the ocean of My mercy. These souls brought me consolation on the Way of the Cross. They were a drop of consolation in the midst of an ocean of bitterness." 

Most Merciful Jesus, from the treasury of Your mercy, You impart Your graces in great abundance to each and all. Receive us into the abode of Your Most Compassionate Heart and never let us escape from It. We beg this grace of You by that most wondrous love for the heavenly Father with which Your Heart burns so fiercely.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon faithful souls, as upon the inheritance of Your Son. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, grant them Your blessing and surround them with Your constant protection. Thus may they never fail in love or lose the treasure of the holy faith, but rather, with all the hosts of Angels and Saints, may they glorify Your boundless mercy for endless ages. Amen.

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1

Divine Mercy Novena 2015 - Day 2

Second Day
"Today bring to Me the Souls of Priests and Religious,

and immerse them in My unfathomable mercy. It was they who gave me strength to endure My bitter Passion. Through them as through channels My mercy flows out upon mankind."

  

Most Merciful Jesus, from whom comes all that is good, increase Your grace in men and women consecrated to Your service,* that they may perform worthy works of mercy; and that all who see them may glorify the Father of Mercy who is in heaven.

Eternal Father, turn Your merciful gaze upon the company of chosen ones in Your vineyard -- upon the souls of priests and religious; and endow them with the strength of Your blessing. For the love of the Heart of Your Son in which they are enfolded, impart to them Your power and light, that they may be able to guide others in the way of salvation and with one voice sing praise to Your boundless mercy for ages without end. Amen.

* In the original text, Saint Faustina uses the pronoun "us" since she was offering this prayer as a consecrated religious sister. The wording adapted here is intended to make the prayer suitable for universal use. 

https://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/novena.htm#1 

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 3

Continued from Part 2.

Branch from a thorn plant, similar to which would have
been used for Jesus' crown of thorns.  Ouch!

I have never enjoyed playing the part of the Crowd when we read the Passion of Our Lord.  "Crucify Him, Crucify Him!"  I don't want those words to come out of my mouth.  Yet, how easily I forget.  When I gossip or make a hurtful comment, I am crucifying Jesus.  When I desire something that isn't mine or I act with greed, I am nailing Him to the cross.  If only I could wrap my brain around the idea that my actions are screaming, "Crucify Him!" when I choose sin.

Thankful Thursday - Holy Thursday 2015

Beauty. Liturgy. Song. Prayer.

Mass of the Lord's Supper.

So many thoughts, so many joys and sorrows.  Words are inadequate to describe the power of the experience.  From the washing of the feet, to the Eucharist, the richness of Scripture and Tradition was repeated.  "Do this in remembrance of me." 1 Corinthians 11. "....that as I have done for you, you should also do." John 13.  What power is present when we fully enter into these Sacred Mysteries.  Are we even able to fully comprehend the boundless depths of God's love for us?  In sharing of ourselves and opening our hearts to God, we catch a mere glimpse of the joy of Heaven.  And from my glimpse tonight, it is a beautiful thing.  

A new view of Palm Sunday - Part 2

Statue of Jesus

Continued from A New View of Palm Sunday

Until my pilgrimage to the Holy Land, I never thought about the time frame of events surround Jesus' Passion.  After celebrating the First Eucharist, going to the garden, Jesus' was arrest and awaited both religious and civil trials.  What about the time in between?  We saw a cistern that was likely used to hold prisoners and enemies of the chief priests and elders.  There were cave areas that appeared to be cells and torture chambers.  Being in that space, it was easy to image how bleak and desolate it would have been.  The feelings of abandonment and fear were readily present.  

A new view of Palm Sunday

On Palm Sunday Road

It's been 77 days since I began my journey to the Holy Land.  In some ways, it seems like it's been ages since I went.  But I usually get a little nudge from Scripture that takes me back there.  With Palm Sunday's Gospel of Jesus' Passion, I got a great big wallop!  The scene begins with Jesus entering Jerusalem on a colt.  This would have been on the road, now called Palm Sunday road.  I remember when we walked it, long and winding.  It appears much different today, paved and narrow, with walls and fences.  Our guide described the likely scene with Jesus and the crowds and the branches.  I understand why we use palms - there are lots of palm trees in Israel!  It makes sense :)

View from Palm Sunday Road

Thankful Thursday, Friday, and Saturday - March 27-29, 2015

POP Rocks :)

I haven't been as good about recording my thankfulness as I would like.  So here's a mega-thankful post that covers the recent experiences I've had.  

-Bananas 2015 - I had the privilege of playing a small part with the music for this event.  As usual, I have received much more than I gave.  To be on the stage with all of the students who were there to Go Bananas for Jesus - wow!  The power in the gym was incredible (and the music wasn't half bad either!).  I love music, and I especially enjoy when I can play music that I love.  Our songs and musicians and audience made Friday night electric.  

Prayer - just do it . . .

Prayer is a funny thing.  You never know what might happen when you pray.  It can be dangerous; you might end up changed.  Well, actually you should be changed, if you're doing it right.  There are many books and resources on prayer that can define and dissect this occurrence much better than I.  So I will stick with reflecting on personal experience and go from there.

If I stop to think about prayer, I would call it a conversation between God and I.  Except, if I'm being honest, my prayer tends to go one of two ways:  1 - my list of demands/requests/complaints/sorrows (depending on the day or my mood) or 2 - gratitude for blessings.  The part that is not equally represented is my time to listen to God.  See, both of the previous conversation types are pretty one-sided.  It's not that God doesn't want to hear my troubles or my joys; God wants it all.  Yet, to truly have a conversation, there needs to be listening on my side as well.  I really recognized this last Advent, and worked on prioritizing prayer time.  Like exercising, healthy eating, or building any good habit, it's hard.  It takes commitment; sometimes more commitment than I want to give.  I'm slowly growing in my awareness of this deficiency, which is big.  Isn't the first step admitting you have a problem?  :)

How do you hear God?  Could you recognize God's voice?  What does it sound like?

Psalm 31

I was one again doubting many things:  God,  myself, and my faith.  I had spent a portion of the day criticizing myself for bad choices, and more time worrying about things beyond my control!   As I briefly texted a friend, I was certainly living moment to moment because I was engulfed in chaos.  Unable to sort things out myself,  I wisely decided to consult God.  I was partaking in the wonderful opportunity of adoration in front of the exposed Blessed Sacrament after mass, and I was perusing some devotionals I brought along.  Flipping through one book,  the following words caught my eye:  "So what's worrying you today?  Are you trying to take care of it yourself?  Or are you praying Psalm 31?"

Jesus in a friend

I recently had two encounters with dear ones who were Christ personified for me.  Whether by intuition, divine intervention, or being in the wrong (or right) place at the right time, they were each Christ.  I don't have a poker face, so perhaps my pain was evident, or maybe the chaos of life right now was reflected in my eyes.  Either way, I was approached, and asked how I was.  Who knew such a trite question could be a vehicle of God's love?  I responded to the underlying love and concern, ready to share my burden, even if I didn't know how.  The verse from Proverbs comes to mind:  "A friend is a friend at all times, and a brother is born for the time of adversity."  ~Proverbs 17:17  In their faces I saw Christ's love.  In their eyes I felt the compassion of the Spirit.  In their hugs I knew the Father's grace.  

Thank you, Lord, for using Your people to express Your love to the world.  

Lenten Struggle

Lent has been difficult for me this year.  I know; it's supposed to be a challenge.  However, I feel that I'm experiencing more than the 'usual' struggles.  Maybe it's because I'm looking at life differently since my pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  Maybe I'm being tempted more and unable to resist.  Maybe God is giving me the opportunity to wholly rely on Him, and it scares me. 

Regardless, my human nature complains.  'Why this?  Why me?  Why?'  There are no easy answers.  I do not know God's mind, but I do believe in God's plan, even when it's hidden or obscure.  It seems as though God is permitting numerous obstacles so as to deepen my faith.  I'm certainly not to the level of Job, but I have been contemplating his life in the face of trials.  He was desolate and devastated, yet he still praised God:  "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." ~Job 1:21b

Be My Valentine - You Are Mine

No, I'm not talking about a valentine's phrase, exactly, although it could certainly be God's valentine to us.  I'm referring to a song we often sing at church.  It was actually my penance after celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and it was absolutely perfect.  Let me explain.

First, a note about the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  It really gets a bad rap.  If you have not had a a wonderful, positive, freeing experience with that Sacrament, you need to go again.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Let's set aside the discussion on confessing sins to a priest and focus on the deeper purpose:  reconciliation with God.

Thankful Thursday 2/12/15

I am thankful for a life well-lived.  I'm not talking about myself.  Rather, I wish to honor a memory.  Today is the 1-year anniversary of Leo Miller's death.  I did not know him as well as I might have liked, but what I did know, I learned from his kids and daughter-in-law.  I think that is a testament to Leo's life.

In my limited experience with loss and death, I know the best gift I can give is time.  At least for me, those who take time to remember my loved ones help my healing.  That may be time with those who grieve, taking time to remember the person who died, or making time to tell those left behind, 'I will not forget him; his memory lives on.'  Therefore, I would like to share my thoughts of Leo and his legacy.

5th Sunday in Ordinary Time - Hope & Healing

http://usccb.org/bible/readings/020815.cfm 

Quick recap:

1st Reading - Job - ultimate suffering and hopelessness

Psalm - 147 - Praise the Lord, who heals the brokenhearted

Epistle - 1 Corinthians - stewardship and giving of oneself

Gospel - Mark 1 - healing Simon's mother-in-law

What great Scriptures! These have been more comfort to me as I long for complete health. I have been limited in my actions, and I struggle with accepting God's Will concerning my current state of health.  (See my earlier post on the struggle here).

I find Job to be such an interesting figure. To be stricken with so much desolation and pain, and yet be able to praise God; I am in awe. I come down with a sinus infection and I assume God messed up somewhere in the grand scheme of things. It is not so. This was the first full weekend I've been back to Newman. It's been pretty tiring, and slightly frustrating since I don't have my voice back 100%, but it has been even more fulfilling to be present, celebrating with a community of believers.

Holy Land pictures

Your patience is appreciated - here we go!  I tried to pick out the highlights, but there are still a lot of pictures involved.  I would be happy to go through any and all of my pictures and share my experience in the Holy Land with you more in depth.  What an amazing opportunity!

Holy Land - Best of

Thankful Thursday 2/5/15

It's been a while since I've posted a specific 'Thankful Thursday' post.  The month of January, for me, was characterized by illness and travel.  Thankfully, however, they did not happen concurrently!  That is a definite blessing.  I had bronchitis before I left, and I was rather nervous about being sick during my trip.  Read about it here:  Have patience, my child.  Then, about a week after I returned, I was out sick with sinus infection, sinusitis, etc.  While I am feeling much improved, I am slower than I would like.  So many things I want to do, and I only have energy for half of one item.  So, February 7th's reflection in Jesus Calling was a comfort to me:

"Come to me for rest and refreshment.  The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion.  instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.  Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different.  Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be.  You will get through today one step, one moment at a time.  Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway. . . "

I know my experiences are minor in comparison to chemotherapy or fibromyalgia or other debilitating disorders.  I am also aware of how blessed I am for my good health, and how easy it is to take for granted.  Regardless of the gravity of any of our current circumstances, we all have experiences where life is not going according to 'our' plan.  Do not despair.  God's got this.

Prayer:  Lord, I am sorry for all of the times I have failed to appreciate the blessings in my life, especially the things I take for granted.  Thank you for this opportunity to grow in awareness of Your presence at all times.  Help me to be open to Your graces.

"We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."  ~Romans 8:28

Life

Back home.  I didn't want to leave Israel, but I'm glad to be home.  Today, in particular, I am aware of my blessings.  I have so many gifts, for which I am grateful.  My faith, family, and friends top the list.  In today's Gospel, Jesus calls the disciples, and I immediately was transported to the Church of St. Peter's Primacy, along the shore of the Sea of Galilee.  I can hear the waves lap the shore, and I can imagine how Jesus might have seen things.  Wow.

On this day of my birth, I am in awe of the gift of life.  What a blessing we are given, to do with as we will.  We can spend it any way we want.  I'd like to think that while I'm still learning and growing, I'm emphasizing God over self.  I pray that I can continue to hold on to this desire, long after the excitement of my pilgrimage fades, which I suppose it will at some point.

Thank you, God, for giving me life.  May I continue to honor You, first and foremost in my life.

Day 11

We have arrived home from our incredible journey.  We might be a little tired and bedraggled, but hopefully we return wiser than when we left.  I'm not saying that a person must leave the country to change, but I do believe that we must continue to journey, in our own way, in order to grow.  That mentality doesn't require any passport or visa.  

I still want to pinch myself to be sure that this hasn't all been a dream.  I was reading the meditation for today in connection with today's scriptures.  The Gospel talked about the man with the withered hand. The commentary referenced other times Jesus healed, including the man at the pool of Bethsaida!  We were there!!!  Craziness.

On the flight back, I was asked about my next destination.  I smiled to think about what might be next . . . The footsteps of JPII and St. Faustina or Lourdes or who knows!?  Maybe I will visit every place or one or none of them.  The point is that it is not the destination as much as the journey.  Life is to be lived, in whatever way God calls.

May we all have the strength and courage to live that call.  "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Day 10

Day 10: Jan 20, Tel Aviv - USA
Transfer to airport for the flight home with memories to last a lifetime.

Today was a free day.  Because our flight doesn't leave until 11pm, we have until 5pm to explore, relax, or do whatever.  My desire was to revisit the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.  Ate breakfast, and then 3 of us took a taxi to the Jaffa gate.  I headed to the church and they headed to the Dome of the Rock.

The scene was quiet and very peaceful.  Upon entering, I didn't see anyone.  I headed straight to the tomb.  At first I didn't see anyone there, so initially I was unsure if it was open.  As I came to the entrance, I saw two or three people inside the angel room.  I entered, and we moved into the inner room.  We had time to kneel and pray, without being rushed.  Pretty incredible.  I walked around the inside of the church to the stairs.  Once again, I "climbed" Calvary.  There were maybe 3 or 4 people praying.  I was able to go right to the hole where the Cross stood and pray there.  I found a corner spot and settled in to pray, meditate, and write.  Only downside:  the marble was pretty cold!

Day 9a

Day 9 continued:

We went to St. Peter in Gallicantu (which we didn't do Sunday).  This was an amazing experience as well.  We were in the courtyard and home of Caiaphas, where Jesus was condemned in the religious trial (he also had a civil trial).  In the country there is a statue that shows Peter denying Jesus.  Inside the church, you can look down into an old cistern.  At the time of Caiaphas, it was used to hold people for punishment.  This was a very deep hole, maybe 10x10 (I'm bad at estimating) and the only way in was through a small opening high above.  The condemned were lowered in from the top by a rope.  It is believed that in between the time Jesus was condemned by Caiaphas late Thursday night and Friday morning, he was kept in this space.  There was also a nearby area that had pinions in the wall, so as to tie someone up for the purpose of torture.  We cannot know for sure, but it seems very probable as Jesus was seen as an enemy of the Jewish rulers at the time, and would likely have been punished and tortured.  We listened to Psalm 88 while in the cistern.  Try reading it while imagining being in such a space, tortured, alone, and scared.

LORD, the God of my salvation, I call out by day; at night I cry aloud in your presence.    3 Let my prayer come before you; incline your ear to my cry.   4   *For my soul is filled with troubles;          my life draws near to Sheol.     5 I am reckoned with those who go down to the pit;  I am like a warrior without strength.     6 My couch is among the dead,  like the slain who lie in the grave.     You remember them no more; they are cut off from your influence.     7 You plunge me into the bottom of the pit,  into the darkness of the abyss.     8 Your wrath lies heavy upon me; all your waves crash over me.  Because of you my acquaintances shun me; you make me loathsome to them;  Caged in, I cannot escape;   10 my eyes grow dim from trouble.     All day I call on you, LORD;   I stretch out my hands to you.     11   *Do you work wonders for the dead? Do the shades arise and praise you? 12 Is your mercy proclaimed in the grave,  your faithfulness among those who have perished?* 13 Are your marvels declared in the darkness, your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?    14 But I cry out to you, LORD; in the morning my prayer comes before you.     15 Why do you reject my soul, LORD, and hide your face from me?     16 I have been mortally afflicted since youth;  I have borne your terrors and I am made numb.    17 Your wrath has swept over me;    your terrors have destroyed me.  18 All day they surge round like a flood;  from every side they encircle me.     19 Because of you friend and neighbor shun me;  my only friend is darkness.

Day 9

Day 9: Jan 19,  Jerusalem: Via Dolorosa - Holy Sepulchre  
Theme: The Way of the Cross, The Crucifixion, The Resurrection
This morning we start the Via Dolorosa (The Way of the Cross) at the Antonia Fortress, where Jesus was condemned to death by Pontius Pilate. From there He was taken through the city to be crucified. The Stations of the Cross lead, through the markets of the Old City to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. Here is the site of Calvary and the Tomb of Christ. Mass will be in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. After breakfast visit the Church of St Anne’s, the Pool of Bethesda and the Sisters of Zion. This afternoon there will be time to revisit the Old City. Dinner and Overnight.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

I could switch to Hebrew, if you want.  Sababa (awesome).  This has been an amazing pilgrimage, and I a) don't want to leave, b) I already want to come back, c) am overwhelmed with all of the experiences.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers on my journey.  

Today began early as we walked the Stations of the Cross before we celebrated Mass at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre at 7AM.  We entered the Old City at the Damascus Gate (called that because it faces in the direction of Damascus in Syria).  We began at the Antonio Fortress where Jesus was condemned.  Stations 1-9 are noted on the sides of buildings, because some of the sites would be inside places that pilgrims can't access i.e. a Muslim school building.  It was impactful to be out in the dark and mostly quiet streets, praying the stations, singing, and meditating on the journey of Jesus.  Because of the tensions between the major denominations, the last stations can't be prayed in the church, so we did 9-14 at the 9th station before heading to the church.

Day 8a

Continued:

We visited the Western Wall - that was an interesting experience.  We were able to go up, men and women in different sections, to pray by the wall.  There were all kinds of people there, from ultra-conservative on.  We learned that the prayers that are left in or around the walls are picked up and burned twice a month.  The wall is the closest you can get to the Holy of Holies inside the original temple, but this wall is not part of the original temple.  It was added on by Herod the Great, in his attempt to outdo Kings David and Solomon.  We had to go through metal detectors to enter the area, but it was very easy.  

Next we ate another delicious lunch, at a restaurant that had an Italian feel.  Seemed a bit odd in the middle of Israel, but something new for us!  We then visited Mount Zion, where we saw the Last Supper Room.  It is also the room where Pentecost happened.  Christians can only celebrate 2 times a year in this place - Holy Thursday and Pentecost.  Underneath the area there is also a place claiming to house King David's tomb, but there is no archeological support to back that up.  

Day 8

Day 8: Jan 18, Jerusalem: Mt. Of Olives - Gethsemane - Mt. Zion - Western Wall 
Theme: Palm Sunday and the Agony in the Garden 
From the Mount of Olives take in the panoramic view of Jerusalem. Then to the Pater Noster shrine, where Jesus taught His disciples the Pater Noster — The Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11:1-4). Walking down the Palm Sunday Road stop at the beautiful little church, Dominus Flevit - “The Lord wept.” It was here that Jesus wept over Jerusalem [Luke 19:41]. At Gethsemane reflect on Jesus’ final night. The Garden contains trees, the roots of which go back to the time of Jesus. Visit the Church of All Nations to pray at the “Rock of Agony,” a section of bedrock identified as the place where Jesus prayed alone in the garden on the night of His arrest. Visit the Western Wall, to see all that remains of the Temple compound that dates to the time of Jesus. From here we will continue to the house of the High Priest Caiaphas where He was interrogated and imprisoned. Now called Peter in Gallicantu (“crowing rooster”), this beautiful Church also commemorates Peter’s Denial of Christ, his repentance and then being forgiven by Jesus. After Mass we will go up to Mt. Zion to visit the Upper Room, which commemorates the Last Supper. Nearby is the Benedictine Church of the Dormition. Dinner and overnight at your hotel.

Pre Day 9

Bright and early . . . well, not bright, but it was definitely early!  

http://youtu.be/Gxe7MExZhAs

Reflections

I woke up early, and wanted to capture some thoughts.  This pilgrimage has been so touching and unreal.  At times I have felt as though I/we rush through some of sites, or that I should 'feel' more at a certain place, though some of the logistics can't be helped.  Yet, I can cry at a simple phrase during Mass, or become overwhelmed when I reflect on what I've seen and touched and where I've walked.  As one of our priests commented, we will never celebrate Christmas in quite the same way after having seen and touched the place Jesus was born.  I find this to be true of our celebration of the Mass, and it will be even more so after we visit the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. Our lives are different.  Hopefully, improved because we are open to God.  There is a definite opportunity for softening to God, and it feels much more tangible here.  Probably, because, as my sister put it, my soul is more alive in such a holy place.  Our hearts are burning, as the verse from Luke says,

'Then they said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning [within us] while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?”'

Today and tomorrow we focus on the last week of Jesus, Holy Week as we know it.  I don't know if words can capture the anticipation I feel.  Such love.  So, my prayer of reflection is a favorite verse on God's love from Ephesians 3:17-19:

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

Sababa - awesome.

:-)

Day 7

Day 7: Jan 17, Bethany - Masada - Dead Sea
Theme: Early Years in Jerusalem & the Wilderness
This morning drive down the Jordan Valley to Qumran where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. Take the cable car to the top of Masada to learn about the heroic last stand of the Zealots. Afterwards there may be time for a dip in the Dead Sea for those who want to. Drive through the Judean Wilderness where Jesus spent 40 days fasting, and it is in this area that John the Baptist lived and baptized Christ. Then to Bethany where He raised Lazarus from the dead. Celebrate Mass here before returning to the hotel. Dinner and overnight.

Bus ride to Masada.  On the way we saw the Dead Sea, which we visited later.  Masada is another area that exists thanks to Herod the Great (aka 'Bob the Builder' according to our guide).  It was a fortress that Herod built as a potential refuge, although there isn't any proof that he stayed there. Quite a feat of engineering, especially since Herod liked his comforts.  There were enough supplies to last 2years. After Herod died, it was abandoned until zealots went there to avoid the Romans (much more history to it, of course).  Roman soldiers surrounded the fortress and were finally able to breach it.  All inside were dead, except two women and some children who were hidden in a cistern, because the zealots chose death over slavery.  There is a movie about this which was recommended by our guide.  And we had to ride a cable car to get to the fortress.  There was an extensive path up the mountain, which people could hike up.  Very extensive palace and fortress.   Believe the area is a national park.

Pre Day 8

Greetings!

http://youtu.be/FdGzruUJhD4

Pre day 7

Good morning!

http://youtu.be/7H9_h_YEdKs

pre Day 6

Good morning!!  And this pilgrimage is sababa - awesome!

http://youtu.be/Q4FrzYu7CpI

Here's a group picture :-)

Pilgrimage Prayers

For all of those who have requested prayers (and even those who maybe didn't request, but I am including you in my prayers), please know that I lift up your intentions at every Mass and in the other churches we visit.  So far, we have celebrated Mass in Nazareth, at the Church of the Anunciation, in Tiberius, at the Church of St. Peter's Primacy, and today on Mount Tabor, at the site of the Transfiguration.  

Again, my intercession is nothing special, but I believe that as you journey with me on this pilgrimage, God will bless you.  Your prayers will be answered, just maybe not immediately or in the way you anticipate.  Trust and have faith.  

Pre Day 5

Good morning!

http://youtu.be/JVRO0dnnXZE

Day 6

Day 6: Jan 16, Jerusalem: Temple Model - Ein Karem - Bethlehem
Theme: The Visitation and Nativity
Begin the day with a visit to the Second Temple scale model for an overview of Jerusalem as it was at the time of Jesus. A short drive takes us to the village of Ein Karem, birthplace of John the Baptist, to visit the church that commemorates his memory. Pray the Mystery of the Rosary on the walk up the hill to the Church of the Visitation. In the afternoon visit Bethlehem to see the cave at the Shepherds’ Field. The caves have soot marks of the fires that shepherd’s lit to keep warm while watching over their flocks. In the afternoon we will depart to Bethlehem, beginning at Manger Square, which stands in front of one of the oldest of Christian churches, the Church of the Nativity. Enter the Church and down to the Grotto of the Nativity which marks the spot of Jesus’ birth. Beneath the Altar, there is a silver star with the Latin inscription: HIC DE VIRGINE MARIA JESUS CHRISTUS NATUS (Here Jesus Christ was born to the Virgin Mary.) After Mass we will return to the hotel in Jerusalem. Dinner and overnight.

We started our day driving to the church commemorating the birthplace of St. John the Baptist.  We prayed the decade of the rosary for the Visitation as we drove there.  Very beautiful church.  It has a definite Spanish influence in the decorations.  Throughout the courtyard we could read mosaics of the Canticle of Zechariah (see Luke 1:68-79) in many, many languages, so we prayed that together as a group. Very powerful.  

Next, we walked to the Church of the Anunciation.  Located up on the side of a hill, there were quite a few steps to take  We saw the chapel under the church, and then went up to the main church.  Beautiful paintings, so colorful  In the courtyard, there were mosaics in every language of the Canticle of Mary (see Luke 1:46-55).  Again, I had the opportunity to light a candle for all of the prayer intentions.  

Israeli Museum - wow.  Such an interesting place.  There was infinitely more to see, but our focus was on only two aspects of the museum.  First was the model of Jerusalem.  It is a giant replica, built to scale of the Old City.  Amazing to see and study.  Second was the exhibit on the Dead Sea Scrolls.  This was also in preparation for our visit to the area where the scrolls were discovered, which we will do tomorrow.  Such a fascinating, complex history story on both.  

Shepherd's Field - exciting to see.  This was the site of the Angel's appearing to the Shepherds.  Some of the mosaics in the cave date back to the 1st century.  It was also a great example of what the nativty site would have looked like in Jesus' day.  The roof was sooty, from fires that had been lit.  Nearby were ruins from an old monastery.  I lit another candle here as well.

Another delicious lunch and then on to Manger Square and the Church of the Nativity.  It is undergoing renovations currently, so there was a lot of scaffolding and construction happening.  We briefly visited the Church of St. Catherine, which houses the figure of Baby Jesus which is placed on the exact spot of the Nativity at Christmas.  It is also the church where the official Christmas Mass is celebrated.  Mass was celebrated in the chapel of St. Jerome, which is located underneath the Church of the Nativity.  Very small space, but impactful.  St. Jerome lived in that room while he was translating the Bible.   Mass was phenomenal.  Celebrating in that space, in proximity to the actual place where Jesus was born - wow!  I got to help lead the psalm, which was amazing.  We sang Christmas hymns, and our voices echoed and resounded all over.  I got choked up when we sang, 'O Little Town of Bethlehem" while in Bethlehem.  Mind-blowing.

The spot of the Nativity was beyond words.  We had a long line, although I would venture to guess that it was much shorter than usual.  Slowly, we descended several steps into the cave area.  As soon as you reach the bottom, you can see a space with a silver star that marks the place of Jesus' birth.  You have to kneel down and lean in to touch or venerate the spot.  Beautiful.

Back to the hotel, for more excellent food, and now it's definitely time for bed!